Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Night Stalker

I stalk the night.
Night is my favorite time. I move through the velvety darkness looking for prey. I know not yet what that prey may be, but before the moon sets, there will be carnage.
Perhaps an innocent dust bunny, possibly an errant eight legger, or maybe even a designer shoe carelessly left in the living room by an unsuspecting two legger.
The two leggers sleep soundly in their bed, unaware that there is a killer in the house. It would be so easy to sneak into the bedroom and savagely tear their new curtains to shreds while they snore the wee hours away. As I watch them I imagine the look on their faces when they wake in the morn to sunlight streaming through the tattered remains of linen that nine hours before were paisley panels. This vision amuses me.
Unfortunately, the two leggers have had the forethought to lock Tiger Lily in another room, totally out of the range of my smack. I stick my paw under the door, beckoning her, but she will not fall for this ruse again. Perhaps Ivan can knock down the door, but this would cause noise, possibly alerting the two leggers.
The catnip mousie thingy alludes me. I have yet to find its' nightly nesting place, but still I search.
Suddenly I spot my prey. As I stealthily move into the bathroom, I realize the two leggers have foolishly left the toilet paper hanging again. I slink around the base of the cabinet. The roll dangles helplessly, blissfully unaware of the fate that awaits it.
I pounce! In a fit of uninhibited catnip induced fury, I rip, I claw, I bite and I tear! The bathroom becomes a winter wonderland of paper snowflakes. The tissue floating around me as I imagine how it feels to live in one of those snowglobe thingies.
I pause at the door to admire my handiwork. It is a thing of beauty. I derive much satisfaction from a job well done.
When the two leggers discover it in the morning, I feel confidant that they will appreciate my prowess.
Now it is time for me to sit on the night stand and hope they wake to find me staring at them in the night. It truly creeps them out. This too amuses me.

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