Sunday, August 22, 2010

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Cujo

There is much to be learned from nature. While watching Animal Planet one day, I observed a program about a crafty little eight legger called the "trap door spider". As an admirer of sneaky, dirty tricks, I could not help being impressed by this form of ambush rabble rousing. This spider spends hours digging a burrow in the dirt. It then lines it in that nasty stringy stuff that it excretes from its' nether regions. After the burrow is complete, it constructs a trap door that completely covers the entrance to the burrow. Then it lies in wait for some unsuspecting prey to approach. Once it detects that the food thingy is within reach, it pounces, sinking fangs deep into its' lunch.

Though much impressed with this, I decided that digging a burrow in the dirt would require entirely too much work, not to mention squirting strings from my butt would just be gross. However, I could definitely adapt the general spirit of the technique into a useful form of chaos creation.

Upon reflection, I decided that the two leggers bed coverings would make an acceptable burrow as well as being ideally located for a major bushwacking. So, while the two leggers were out of the room and no witnesses were present, I slipped silently beneath the covers. Making sure to pick a location near a pillow so that the lump would conceal my presence, I lay in wait.
I didn't have to wait long. Tiger Lily skulked in to the room and soon jumped up onto the bed. Tiger Lily has always considered the pillow of the female two legger to be her rightful sleeping place. I waited while she settled in, completely ignorant of the fact that a world class smacking was only six inches away.

I must admit that it took every bit of concentration available to me not to let an anticipatory snicker escape, possibly alerting my prey. However, I was able to contain my glee and wait until she was settled and completely relaxed. As I lay there, I suddenly had a change of heart. Make no mistake, I was still gonna torment her, but occasionally one has to change things up a bit. I knew she was expecting a smack at some time today, therefore, I must do the unexpected.

I judged the moment to be right. Like a beast from Hades, I erupted from my fluffy cave, stood on my hind legs and waved my front paws in the classic "boogatation" posture. Seldom have I ever been rewarded with such a wonderful response. Tiger Lily levitated four tailspans straight up, simultaneously poofing to three times her normal size. As she landed with her legs already in full flee mode, her claws found instant purchase launching her straight into the bedstand knocking over a lamp. Realizing this would bring down the wrath of the two leggers, I immediately repaired back to my burrow beneath the bedspread.
The male two legger entered right on cue to chastise Tiger Lily. As always, I believe he suspected my involvement, but being unable to locate my lair, he had to satisfy himself with berating the Tiger Lily.

There is much to be learned from nature.

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