Monday, August 16, 2010

Crazy Ivan

Apparently Ivan woke up on the wrong side of the litter box today. I know, I know, you ask "How can you tell?" A truly valid question. Ivan by his very nature is an extremely surly creature. He is a firm believer in the bite first, ask questions later, and then bite again later policy. If a two legger decides to attempt to pet him, odds are there will be bandages. It is a mystery to me as to why he is terminally pissed, but there it is. Some things you just have to accept.

Anyway, he woke up this morning and after his morning meal, he immediately pounced on Tiger Lily. This, I found amusing until the two leggers woke up and yelled at me. I do not mind the two leggers giving me credit for chaos I've caused, but this time they were not giving Ivan his due. I attempted to show them the gray fur extending from Ivan's slathering jaws, but they would have none of it.

Ivan then turned his attention to me. Occasionally I will allow him to vent his anger. I am much quicker than he (not a tough achievement) and in some circumstances, I just throw Tiger Lily at him.

Today however, he went too far. Ivan had the nerve to chomp my tail. That's it. Game over. Send in the clown thingies.
I donned my best "Crackhead Terminator Kitty" look and set out to put Ivan back in his rightful place. Ivan is incredibly dense, but he can sense when hurricane Cujo is about to make landfall. His look of annoyance turns to a look of panic. If he had boots, they'd be shaking like Paris Hilton at a spelling bee.
I finally bring him to ground in the two legger guest litter room. There I beat him soundly about the head and shoulders until I feel he is properly cheered up. Now once again, it is moderately safe to walk the halls. If only the two leggers realized the sacrifices I've made to ensure the safety of their ankles.

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