Friday, August 6, 2010

Gastronomic Disparity

While watching the two leggers eat today I found myself pondering a great injustice in my house.
I have observed that in two legger society, the higher their rank in the social structure, the better they eat. The more power they yield, the greater variety of their diet. I totally agree with this complete lack of equality. That being said, this dietary hierarchy seems to end once they enter my residence.
I took the time to perform an in depth exploration of the two leggers food storage area today. I am appalled. I counted over 240 different types of food within their food preparation space. They have like 20 types of pasta alone. They have different meats (all dead unfortunately), different green thingies (of which the male never partakes), 5 different breads, 2 different types of milk, numerous juices and brown bottles the male drinks from at night. They have some foods they eat only in the morning, others they only eat later in the day. They even have a frozen food that they only eat after filling themselves with other food. At one meal alone, I saw them sample of 8 totally different foods.
I then looked in the area where they store my food. Let me see how many different types of food are in there...........oh yeah, ONE.
How can this be? I am not only more socially elevated than they are, I rule this house. They are but mere peasants. Why do the dietary norms they practice when away from home suddenly turn ass over teakettle as soon as they cross the threshold of my front door. This is unacceptable. Tomorrow I will write a nastygram to someone. I'm not sure who, but this grave injustice must be addressed. And they wonder why i'm surly.
I do not know who is to blame for this, but i'm sure Tiger Lily had a paw in it. Just to cover all my bases she and the two leggers shoes will feel my wrath before the sun rises.
Ivan, saddle up!

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