Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Life in Whine Country

Ok, I have received numerous e-mails and comments asking why I derive such pleasure from smacking Tiger Lily. My detractors seem to feel pity and even sympathy for my fluffy gray punching bag. Though I never feel obligated to explain my actions, I suppose in this case some clarity is called for.

I described Tiger Lily in some detail in earlier posts, but allow me to review. Tiger Lily is a five year old gray tabby. She is somewhat chubby and has an abnormally large face. Her most common expression is one of disdain.

Tiger Lily came to live in my house approximately two and a half years ago. This was NOT my idea. Apparently one of my two legger's offspring felt that Tiger Lily needed a different home and sent her to me. Being the generous soul that everyone knows I am, I decided this was acceptable.
Immediately upon her arrival, I decided she needed a smack in order to establish that this was my house and that she lived here at my sufferance. This served its intended purpose, however, it had an added bonus, it amused me. Now I cannot speak for any of my readers, but I find that some individuals just give off some "I need a good smacking" vibe. Tiger Lily has this vibe on steroids. Just smelling her from across the room can start my paw twitching.

As if this vibe is not enough, she whines. No, i mean she WHINES. If her mouth is moving, she is either eating, sneezing or whining. I personally have witnessed her doing all three at once. Every time she whines while the two leggers are home, I get either sprayed with water, or at the very least, chastised. This annoys me. This is truly smack-worthy. I suspect that sometimes she whines just to get me in trouble. That's sneaky and underhanded, so I do have to give her some credit.

And it's not just me, Ivan enjoys smacking her as well. If she ventures into the bathroom, even the bathroom spider will take a swing. I'll lay money that if she ever finds herself outside, there would be a line of woodland creatures standing patiently in my yard awaiting their turn at her.

So please, don't blame me. It's not my fault. She is simply smackable. And be warned, if I get one more e-mail accusing me of unwarranted smacking, I may feel compelled to go smack Tiger Lily.

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