Monday, August 30, 2010

Cathouse Idol

Last night we held our semi-annual talent contest. We hold this contest twice a year whether we need to or not. We compete not to determine who has the most talent, (not much competition there) but rather who can either irritate the two leggers the most, or cause the most household damage. Points are awarded for:
1) Value of broken objects.
2) Chaos caused by breaking of said objects.
3) Decibel level. (Either your own, or that of the two leggers screaming in joy)
4) Originality
5) Style

We decided we needed an impartial judge for last night's competition and so I drafted the bathroom spider to preside. I instructed him to judge fairly,but I also greased his numerous palms with dead bugs I found in the windowsill.

Tiger Lily started the contest with a beautifully executed curio cabinet stroll knocking 6 of 9 objects off the top shelf and breaking three. This caused the male two legger to leap off the couch and scramble to find the super glue before the female two legger could discover and appreciate the damage. Points for damage and chaos, but none for originality.

Ivan waited until the two leggers went to bed before giving an incredibly soulful rendition of his original song entitled "Mrowr, Rowr, Rowr". While receiving a great score for originality and style, as well as nailing the decibel meter, he was found sadly lacking in the damage department.

I finished the competition with my dramatic one cat play I call "The Day The Squirrel Met Justice" With my catnip mousie thingy playing the part of the squirrel. During this play two lamps, a picture frame and a dirty wine glass all meet their end.

The competition completed, we all awaited the judge's final decision: I am appalled to say that Tiger Lily won by a whisker. I give my grudging congratulations to her.

Just a quick side note: We are now in the market for a new bathroom spider. Our old eight legger seems to have gone missing, though I suspect the litter box may hold some clues to his fate.