Sunday, August 15, 2010

B.O.B. (Big Overdecorated Bird)

While surveying my yard from my bedroom window, I observed something that truly irritated me. Bob was on my back deck.
For those of you who don't know who Bob is, allow me to describe him:

Bob is a huge bird thingy of what the two leggers call the peacock variety. This description I believe to be inaccurate. While I understand the second part of this label, the "pea" part escapes me. I can only surmise that it refers to his brain.
He is at least six tailspans in length and 3 tailspans tall. His plumage, well let's just say that he is an avian drag queen. He struts through my yard like he owns the place. The two leggers don't seem to mind. Absolutely unacceptable.
Now to be brutally honest, given our relative sizes, I was intimidated at first. But after further contemplation, I realized that he was several links further south on the food chain. The food chain I speak of is as follows:
1) Me
2) Other felines
3) two leggers (if they amuse me)
4) other four leggers
5) catnip mousie thingies
6) birds
7) dust bunnies
8) anything having six or more legs.
9) squirrels

Therefore, like the front yard squirrel, Bob lives on borrowed time. For now, I wait. I am patient. However someday the two leggers will grow careless and leave a window or door open. On that blessed day, the yard will become a site of mass destruction and the following night I will sleep on a cushion made of squirrel fur and stuffed with beautiful feathers.


  1. Cujo, you and me gots a lot in common! I is the alpha guinea pig, King of all I survey, but my two-legged slave sees things differently and I humor her, since she the source of all things delectable. If a creature like that strutted into my and I would sleep together on a brightly colored feather-bed snickering at the two-leggeds moaning how tragic, how sad! Snore them, eh?

  2. Yum-Yum,
    While I greatly appreciate your comments and can truly relate to your frustration with your two-leggers, I am afraid that our sleeping together on a feather bed would be impossible given our different positions on the food chain. Though I am in favor of midnight snacks, I try whenever possible not to nom on friends. Your name kinda says it all.

  3. Did someone say guinea pig? :3

  4. Dear Cujo, with all due respect for your alleged "food chain" they don't call me "Count Pigula" for nothing. Just sayin'...ask Meme before you get your panties in a bunch, she'll tell you I ain't your average PIGULA, get it?
    Still friends,
    YumYum (find your own feather bed!)