Ode to Tiger Lily

I beg to describe her,
She's a large grayish tabby.
She is never joyful.
She's always very crabby.

She's partial to other females,
She never likes us boys.
She'd rather fuss at us.
When we're playing with our toys.

She looks down her nose at us,
In two legger terms she's conceited.
Swing one paw at her,
And you'll find that she's retreated.

She lays all day,
Basking in the sun.
Just a boring lump of fur,
Disdaining any fun.

She does very little,
She'll never chase a mouse.
I've yet to figure out,
Her purpose in my house.

But in one area,
She hasn't any peers.
She makes a sound so annoying,
You'll wish you had no ears.

Yes, she is a master
When it comes to whining.
It annoys all who hear it,
It requires no refining.

She whines in the morning,
She whines all through the day.
She whines so much,
It keeps the mice away.

I've tried to speak to her,
Alas with no success.
I've tried very hard to accept her,
But I fail, I must confess.

So it is not my fault,
If my paw acts of its' own volition.
You'd do the same,
Were you in my position.

You'd smack her too,
I've no doubt you would.
You'd smack her just to shut her up.
You'd smack her because it felt good.

So please don't try to judge me,
I'm not the only one.
Everyone wants to smack her,
Plus it's just so damned fun.