Monday, January 10, 2011

Bad Ad-vice

Wanna know what really gets my hairballs in a bunch?

Ok, once again I speak too generically. I'll try again.

Wanna know what's got my hairballs in a bunch today?

Cat food commercial thingies.

Why should cat food commercial thingies annoy me?

They are written by imbeciles who obviously have no experience with cats.

These clueless individuals apparently live in a fantasy world where cats come running at the two leggers request. The felines in this magical land wait patiently while the two legger enters the room, takes off her coat, sniffs the fresh roses on the counter top, strokes the cat affectionately and then opens a can of Fancy Feast and places it on the table on an expensive china saucer with a sprig of parsley on the top.

Now I understand that this IS the talking box thingy and one shouldn't believe everything one sees portrayed on it, (The Dog Whisperer comes to mind) but this is so far beyond belief that it must be scoffed at.

If these ads were written by two leggers that have actually had interaction with felines, the commercials would be somewhat different:

The two legger enters the house as silently as possible in a futile attempt to escape the notice of the resident feline. Having failed, the two legger attempts to remove the feline from her legs while stepping over the broken vase and mutilated roses on the entryway floor.

Having negotiated the carnage between the foyer and the kitchen, all the while being serenaded by the constant yowling of a starving yet strangely obese feline, she manages to open the cupboard door, remove a can of cat food, close the cupboard door, re-open the cupboard door, remove the feline from the cupboard, re-close the cupboard door, re-re-open the cupboard door, remove the can opener, re-re-close the cupboard door, re-re-open the cupboard door, re-re-remove the feline, say "screw it" and leave the cupboard door open.

She then takes a dirty bowl out of the sink, opens the can of cat food and plops a roughly hockey puck shaped gelatinous mass into the bowl and drops it on the floor where it is promptly ignored by the feline who leaves the room to lay down and nap on the two legger's cashmere coat that was carelessly tossed on the couch.

This my friends is reality TV.


  1. You are SO right my friend!!

    Also they should put more tunas into the cans.

  2. serving cat food in a dirty bowl???? NEVER!!! Seriously! I have never done that!!

    neither of my boys would ever ignore their food either....

    But...that being said...this was HILARIOUS! Loved it! :)

  3. Hahahahahaha! It's close to the truth in our house, sans dirty dishes. And while Annie will ignore food, the boys certainly won't! :-D

  4. This is TRUE LIFE! We posted today on our feeding habits today and there is LOTS of screaming involved...

  5. Haha, it is very similar here, especially with the cupboard.

  6. Just a clarification:
    My two legger generally does not use dirty dishes to give me my sustenance, this was an act of exasperation. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it)