Mail Pattern Badness

Once again it is time to answer some mail thingies. I apologize for not answering all of my follower's comments and letters, but please rest assured that I do in fact, read each and every one of them. I am greatly amused and flattered by most of them, however, on occasion I receive one that really soils my litter. The following is one of them:

Dear Cujo Cat,
I am a long time reader of your blog thingy, and I have a complaint. After studying your musings in depth, I have reached the conclusion that you detest all non-feline types in general, and two leggers specifically. Being a two legger myself, I take great offense at this casual disregard and bias against us.
Though I will continue to read your blog thingy, I thought you should be aware of my feelings.
Sincerely,
Rufus P. Hummerfink

Mr. Hummerfink,
Thank you so much expressing your concerns. Your letter made me sit and ponder all the ways my blog thingy may have caused hurt feelings and misconceptions. Your words have inspired me to go forth in an attempt to better the world by being a better cat and citizen of the Earth. From this day forward I will love and respect all creatures no matter how many legs they have. I am going to become a bunny hugging, deer kissing, bird loving guru of zoological harmony.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!

Dang, I think I just used up my entire 2011 sarcasm ration.

Be that as it may, allow me to defend myself.

I do not detest two leggers. On the contrary, I love two leggers. I love the fact that they feed me. I love the fact that they clean my litter. I love them in the way that all benevolent dictators love their oppressed citizenry.

Two leggers have such potential. They are capable of creating great works of art, of composing beautiful music, of inventing such incredibly useful technology as the Chia Pet.

They spend much of their time inventing things to simplify their lives only to have those very inventions complicate their lives further.

They watch the talking box thingy to escape the reality of their lives. What do they watch on the talking box thingy? Yup, reality shows.

They teach their young to love one another and never raise a paw in anger. They then give them video game thingies in which the goal is to kill everyone in sight.

They'll spend hours on the computer thingy trying to get other two leggers on other computer thingies to be their "neighbors", but not wave to the two legger that lives next door.

No, I do not detest two leggers at all.

They keep me amused.