Litter Laws

I find myself in the unenviable state of confusion.

There has been much chaos and upheaval within my kingdom of late.

As a rule, I generally enjoy chaos and upheaval. However, this chaos and upheaval has not been of my creation. Therefore it annoys and confuses me.

From what I have been able to gather, one of my two legger's offspring had been bred last year and was expecting to give birth. Why this is such a cause for both concern and joy among the two leggers is beyond me.

Two leggers seem to dote on their progeny. No, "dote" is understating the case. They obsess over their progeny. Even after their offspring have moved out or been sent to a shelter, they concern themselves with all the whereabouts and activities of their young. They worry incessantly over the choices that they are making.

Triggered by the thought of a third generation of my two legger's being brought into existence, I have pondered much these last two days. I have drawn some conclusions.

First of all, I believe that two leggers obsess over their young because their litters are so small. They usually bear only one at a time. Occasionally two and on rare occasions three. (If a two legger gives birth to more than three at once, they are required to have a talking box thingy program made about them.)

Two legger offspring also grow at an incredibly slow pace. I consider this to be a sign of recessed evolution. They do not even begin to wean until they are nearly a year old. In fact, there are a lot of things that they start doing only after a full year of development.

Walking
Talking
Using the litter box without assistance.

However, to give the newborn two leggers credit, there are several things that they seem to know instinctively from birth:

Gurgling
Slobbering
Sticking things (fingers as well as foreign objects) into their noses.
Plus, they have the most amazing capacity for creating odors that put even Ivan to shame.

They are totally dependent on their parents for at least the first ten years of their lives. In many cases they remain dependent on them until well into their thirties.

As in all things, the two leggers should learn from their feline betters:

The first week after birth, teach your young to walk.
Wean them at twelve weeks.
Kick them out at six months.
Have more than one litter per year.

And above all, have larger litters. That way when one turns out odd or touched in the head, you've got some "normal" ones to continue your bloodline.