Saturday, January 15, 2011

Random Acts of Chaos

Last night I had fun.

I mean I had FUN.

The kind of fun that we felines enjoy the most.

I woke up from my post-afternoon/pre-evening nap feeling.......what's the word?.........ah yes, frisky. Not just frisky, frisky with a capitol F.

The kind of frisky that makes Tiger Lily hide in the clothes hamper and confuses Ivan. (well, most things confuse Ivan, but you get my point)

The kind of frisky that makes the two leggers refill all the water squirty thingies and distribute them all around the house.

The kind of frisky that inspires juvenile delinquents and strikes fear into the hearts of shoe lovers world wide.

After the two leggers arrived home, I decided that all my minions should be graced with spontaneous displays of my friskiness.

All night long.

Act I
I wait until the female two legger is engrossed in the harvesting of her farm thingy on Facebook. Without warning, I jump up on her lap (evicting Tiger Lily in the process) I then walk in tight circles softening said lap with my claws until it is either just right, or I draw blood, whichever happens first. Having properly tenderized her, I realize that I'm not ready to lay down yet and scamper from the room.

Act II
I hide in the darkest shadows of the hallway and boogitate all who pass my way. For those of you unfamiliar with "boogitation" it involves rushing your victim, waving your front paws in a menacing fashion. Properly performed, this can cause cardiac arrest in older two leggers and hypertensive mice.

By this time, the female has retired to her bedchamber and is attempting to read a book. This is where the fun truly begins. She has her ear-pod on and is unaware of my approach. Ivan and Tiger Lily are asleep on the bed, straddling her legs. Planning my leap to the bed perfectly, I land directly on top of Tiger Lily causing her to let out a whine that causes dogs three blocks away to begin barking. Ivan attempts to flee, but since he is on his back and too relaxed to roll over, he gives up and goes back to sleep. The water squirty thingy rears its' ugly head and I am banished from the bedroom.

Act IV
I run five laps around the living room as loudly as possible and then in full stealth mode, I wait in front of the bedroom door until the female, thinking I have fallen asleep in front of the firebox thingy feels it safe to once again open the door. I sneak between her legs and in one motion leap to the bed and curl up feigning sleep. Her confusion when she spots me laying peacefully next to Ivan is most amusing. Warily, she climbs back into bed and resumes her reading. This is my cue to start a slap fight with Ivan resulting in the return of the water squirty thingy.


Act V
The female is soaking in the tub thingy. I rush into the bathroom, slide to a stop and give her my most convincing crackhead look. This, of course startles her. I then let out a deep throated "MROWRR!" poof my tail and bolt from the room. This causes her to jump from the tub in a fruitless search to figure out which priceless possession of hers she assumes I broke. From this point on, I am apparently persona non grata in the female's presence.

Tiger Lily is placed in the computer thingy room. Ivan and I are relegated to the front of the house for the remainder of the night.

I don't mind, it's time for my nap anyway.


  1. You are a Master. I love reading your blog as it gives me ideas. But I might be banned from doing so......

  2. Wow! And mum calls ME a maniac! She doesn't realise how lightly she gets off.

  3. Maui is inspired! He ran off to start verifying gravity.

    May we use "Boogitation"? That is an EXCELLENT word. We 13 Cats it gets practiced a lot at our house.

  4. Your two-leggeds have no reason to ever complain of boredom. They should thank you for the regular entertainment you provide them! And I thank you for the laughter you give me with your blog!

  5. Katnip Lounge- Please feel free to use it :)
    Naomi- You make me blush, thank you.
    Punapippuri-Thank you as well, if they ban you from reading my blog, let me know and I will e-mail it to you on the sly. wink wink, nudge nudge :)

  6. OMC you made me laugh!!!!!! Your blog is BRILLIANT with a capital "B!"