Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fireside Cat

This is my favorite time of year. Fire season. I love fire season. Here in my house it lasts about nine months. Not near long enough, but I have plans to lengthen it.

No, I'm not referring to the time of year when a whole bunch of wild tree thingies go up in flames, the season to which I refer occurs when the temperature gets low enough that the two leggers decide to turn on my firebox.

About the only thing the two leggers have that is worthy of my respect is their ability to instantly create fire. About three years ago, while I was still an adorable kitten (about six months before I became an adorable adult), the two leggers paid three hygiene challenged two leggers (they smelled of dog) to come into my house and build the great and wonderful firebox thingy. At first I was less than amused. They removed my favorite "sit and glare at the two leggers" table. Then over the course of seven hours, they banged, talked and annoyed me in general, causing me to miss at least three naps. Just when I thought I could take no more and was just about to send Ivan to mess them up, they packed up their things and left. They had replaced my favorite table with the firebox thingy. At first I didn't like it at all. I still decided it was mine, but I didn't like it. It spans the entire distance between floor and ceiling and therefore I am unable sit atop it. This annoyed me. It is made of a very hard wood, therefore I am unable to scratch or damage it. Also very annoying.

I sat glaring at it until the two leggers returned home. They seemed inordinately happy about this new addition to my home. The male then picked up a tiny button box and "WHOOF", fire appeared. I saw that it was good.

I immediately made the two leggers place my throne in front of it and informed everyone that this belonged to me.

Ivan is of course confused by fire. I've tried to explain that fire makes heat, but complex theories like that are simply beyond his microbrain. I allow Tiger Lily to lay in front of it on occasion but only if it is off and I am napping elsewhere and thus unaware of her trespass.

Earlier, I spoke of extending the fire season. I have been carefully observing the way the two leggers light the firebox. I am positive that the little button box is the key in making fire. However I've yet to crack that nut. Whenever the two leggers leave, I experiment with the tiny button box. But so far all I have been able to do is activate the talking box thingy. But I do not despair.
It is only a matter of time and observation.

Someday I will discover their secret and all will sweat because of it.

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