Lately, my two leggers have become somewhat nostalgic, telling stories about how they came to be graced with my presence. As usual, their stories have inaccuracies that portray the two leggers in a better light than they deserve.
If one was to hear the story of my "adoption" as they relay it, you would be led to believe that they rescued me from a dank, dark dungeon full of flea bitten prisoners with no chance of liberty. They found me, half starved, living off my own fur balls, sleeping on the cold, hard floor without even the bare comfort of a catnip mousie thingy.
I was born, the oldest kitten of eight, to an unwed female who lived with a single female two legger who spent a lot of time away from home. My mother was allowed to roam the neighborhood often, thus resulting in a midnight rendezvous that led to my glorious conception. Unable to support so many new dependants, I and my siblings were taken to the Vet's office where we were informed that we would be soon assigned new two leggers.
Subjected to a week long indoctrination process that involved a bath, several injections and humiliating examinations, we were instructed in how to behave in order to increase our chances of reassignment. Our instructor was an old tomcat that resided within the Vet's office, named Reggie.
My first question was why, if Reggie was so good at this, hadn't he been reassigned?
But I digress.
During the indoctrination process, I decided that I would inflict more pain on the Vet and her assistants than they inflicted on me. In this endeavor, I was remarkably successful. I was placed in a large cage with fourteen other kittens to wait for my new two leggers. The other kittens were instructed to act "cute and adorable". Having known me for a week, Reggie simply asked me to refrain from bloodshed. I assured him I would try.
After spending several days watching two leggers come to the cage and select one kitten after another, I saw my opportunity. A male two legger approached the cage. I knew immediately that this was a two legger that could be easily tamed. He was tall, fairly thin with graying fur. Other than a clueless look in his eyes, what stood out most was the strange growth of fur between his upper lip and nose. It looked like he tried to swallow a squirrel, but couldn't quite finish the job.
I immediately climbed to the top of the cage and stuck my paw through the wire successfully managing to sink a claw into his leg in order to gain his attention. I informed him that he was to look no further, his master was at hand. I ordered him to sign the paperwork and get me outta there.
He of course complied.
He brought me into my new house in the "kitty carrier" thingy. Upon placing me on the floor, he opened the door on the kitty carrier and I entered my kingdom.
The first thing I beheld was a large, obviously mentally challenged orange tabby. Ivan at that time was approximately three times my size (I was only 12 weeks old) and twenty times my weight. I instantly decided that he would be my chief minion and so I poofed and promptly smacked him. Ivan fled down the hallway like a furry orange bowling ball, presumably to assure that the rest of my house would be properly prepared for me. My new house was full of toys and breakable stuff. After making a full examination, I informed the two legger that my new abode was acceptable.
About an hour later, the mate of the the male two legger arrived. The male tried to warn her that the house had changed ownership, but she told him that he was exaggerating. She picked me up, cooing and stroking me in a very gentle manner. The male stood aghast as she petted the "sweet wittle putty cat". When he spoke of returning the "little hellbeast" to the place from whence it came, she told him that this was my home now.
Truer words never spoken.
We certainly enjoyed reading the story of how you arrived in your forever home. We all chose our human too, but we faked her out with the quiet, scared, timid strategy. Worked like a charm! :-PReplyDelete
We were totally amused at your story.
We love how you put the two legger under your spell. My Mom mistaked my strong grip on her shoulder as an indication that I loved her. HA! I simply wanted out of Petsmart. What I was doing with a bunch of rescued cats I'll never know.
MOL, bestest told gotcha story evar.ReplyDelete
What an adoption process. You hooked him and then her.ReplyDelete
I love your stories my friend, and the Rumblemum loves your bouncer (in fact she wants to misbehave just so Ivan would come by...)ReplyDelete
That's a great story, Cujo...we don't know who got gotted...you or the two-legger!ReplyDelete
Hi Cujo, Rumbles sent us over to meet you! I liked your gotcha story and even more your NASCAR account of tree demolishing. We are following you now and look forward to reading all your adventures :-)ReplyDelete
Ha ha ha ha! You made me AND my Human laugh at the same time, and that almost NEVER happens!ReplyDelete
Hello Cujo, we came over from Rumblepurr.ReplyDelete
We enjoyed your gotcha story. Purrs.
That really is quite the story Cujo!ReplyDelete
Hi Cujo! We popped over to say a welcoming meow to the blogging world. We enjoyed reading yoor gotcha tale!ReplyDelete
hai Cujo, mai furrend Rumbles did tell me bowt you an I likes your storee. Iz nice to meet another responsabuls kiteeh wat noes how to run a howse full of othercats. *high paw!*ReplyDelete
So pleased to meet you!!! We found you over on Rumbles blog and we are now your newest followers!ReplyDelete
Hope you will come and visit/follow us as well!
Cat Chat http://opcatchat.blogspot.com
Well hi, Cujo & family. Rumbles sent us over to meet you. Stop over and see us some time.ReplyDelete
George, Tipper, Max & Misty
Hi there Cujo, Rumblepurr sent us over to meet you and say hello! We are impressed by your gotcha day story and your ability to reach out and snag your preferred two legger.ReplyDelete
Hi Cujo! We came over from Rumbles' blog. We laughed at your first meeting with Ivan!ReplyDelete
Hi Cujo - we are pleased to meet you. We are the rulers in this establishment too - we let the mum think she is (it's good for her self esteem) but she's really just our servant and personal shopper for toys and food and the suchlike. When you want a change of scenery pop over and see us for some treats.ReplyDelete
Came to say hello and welcome and just loved the story of your gotcha day. I laughed so much.You picked them for sure. Hugs GJ xxReplyDelete
The great and wonderful Rumbles sent us over. Nice to meet you! Clearly you have your household well in paw. Good job!ReplyDelete
Hello Cujo, I think we are going to get on rather well. You are my new idol!ReplyDelete
Hi there Cujo, Tumbles said you were pretty cool so we came right over. You do sound like you are in charge which is the way it should be. Glad the lady two legger likes you. HOpe you have a good week end. We sure will be back. Take care.ReplyDelete
Hi Cujo, we heard about you from Rumbles. Top marks for the tree demolition!ReplyDelete
This is a great story! I love love love it. Well told, Cujo!ReplyDelete
Dat Rumbles sent me over here and I'm so happy he did. He said your blog wsas "brilliant" and he was right. Looking forward to following you pal - as soon as we figure out how to do it.ReplyDelete