Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Stranger

I am miffed. I am annoyed. Angry, irritated, P.O.'ed, and furthermore agitated. One could almost say that I am upset. Now, you folks all know how slow to anger and easy going I am, so to say that something has gotten under my skin must come as a mental head smack for you. What has got my hairballs in a bunch?

A stray.

Not just some poor little waif of a vagabond kitty searching for handouts at the gates of my kingdom, but a true feral, bad attitude, bunny munchin, bird stalking, squirrel lover. `

This morning, shortly after consuming my breakfast and giving Tiger Lily her "top o' the mornin to ye" smack, I happened to glance out the sliding door and beheld the largest feline I had ever seen. This thing was not just big, it was like something that one sees munching Tokyo on the talking box thingy. It had the same markings as Ivan, but was much poofier. Paws the size of my food bowl and the mangiest coat seen this side of Kmart. Its' tail had seen better days and I only counted three teeth when it yawned.

My first reaction was to go get Ivan. I considered Ivan, being the big dumb brute that he is, to be better equipped to handle this interloper. However, when Ivan looked out of the window, he mistakenly took the stranger to be his own reflection and immediately grabbed his stash of catnip and flushed it down the toilet.

I was left no choice but to deal with the trespasser myself.

I arched my back in the "Halloween cat" position. I poofed. I twitched my incredible tail. I bared my perfect and complete set of teeth. I hissed and cursed and questioned his lineage. I even told him that he smelled of dog.

It is unfortunate that the two leggers installed insulated windows last year because the stranger was completely unaware of the superior tongue lashing he was receiving.

Finally, out of frustration, I body slammed Tiger Lily into the window causing her cry in her whiny, glass penetrating voice. This annoyed the stranger so much that he left for greener (and less irritating) pastures.

This was of course my strategy all along.

I would also like to give a quick shoutout to my new friend Rumble-Bum. He is a Maine Coon with a great blog. You'll find a link to his blog to the right of my page.


  1. Hi, Cujo, we came over from the CB to meet you. We like your beard. It makes you look artistic.

  2. Thanks Jan!
    I grew the beard for precisely that reason. (plus the ladies dig it) :)

  3. Hey, Cujo, nice to meet you.
    We like your beard too. Really cool look.
    Love & Purrs,

  4. Hi Cujo Cat, we've also come from the CB to meet you. We've added you to our subscription list in Reader, 'cause we're pretty much maxed out on the # of blogs we can follow!

    The mom is feeling sorry for the feral...We have one here that she feeds every day and the poor thing is starving. It's very, very cold in southeastern Ontario (Canada) right now, hard on the ferals. So while we certainly understand your defending your territory, 'cause we do it, just remember you're a very lucky kitty and so many aren't so fortunate at all.

    -Annie, Nicki and Derry from Fuzzy Tales

  5. Hello Cujo! I saw you over at the Cat Blogosphere too. Nice looking blog you got. Don't be too hard on the feral...not its fault ya know. Later dude!

  6. Hi Cujo I came to say hello and welcome. Hope you enjoy being part of our great league of blogging friends. ( I am sure you will Hugs GJ x

  7. Hi Cujo, we are feeling sorry for the feral too but totally understand your reaction. But in the spirit of Christmas and all maybe you could lend it a helping paw.

  8. hai Cuju, nice to meetchyoo. I can see you iz a very brave kitteh an smart too.

  9. oh my cod, your bloggie is hilarious. so glad i see'd you on teh CB! adding you to mine Follow list, come by and visit sometime!

  10. Hi Cujo! We read about you on the Cat Blogosphere and had to come and visit. You are a fine looking kitty! Your blog is wonderful!!! WE love it!!!

    Come and visit uSSSSS!

  11. Hai Cuji i like your name!! I came from CB to greet you to the new cat blogging world!! welcome!!!

  12. Hi Cujo,

    So nice to meet you! Welcome to the CB. Please feel free to come by and visit anytime.

    Mom says I used to throw myself at the glass door when strange kitties dared to come on my porch.

  13. Hi Cujo - we are pleased to meet you. We both love your beard - we think it makes you look mysterious and a little bit (sorry what was that Lucy?- oh was it a big bit naughty) sorry big bit naughty. (Naughty is fun - good is safe but a little boring.)
    Please come over and see us sometime - mum cooks us chicken about lunchtime if you're interested.

  14. Hi! We came from the CB to meet you! we is happy to know you!

  15. Hi ya, Cujo! We read about you over on the CB!! Nice to meet you!! We're really sorry that some stupid stray hanging around your house. We hope body-slamming Tiger Lily did the trick and that stray won't be back.

    Wally, Ernie & Zoey

  16. We came over from the CB. Nice to meet you. We're not much into strange cats either. Good tactics.

  17. Thank you all for the kind comments. and welcome to all my new friends.In the coming days I will be adding links to your blogs on mine. This may take a little while as I require the assistance of my two legger who is a goldsmith and kinda busy this time of year,but please be assured he will accomplish this very soon.