Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Invasion of the Couch Snatchers

I have received several e-mails in the last few days asking why I haven't posted this week. As usual, I am not to blame. My precious computer time has been somewhat limited of late. Why? Simple. My house was invaded.

No, it was not invaded by vicious mutant bunnies like one finds on the talking box thingy. (Those really creep me out)

It was invaded by one of the female offspring of the resident two leggers and her mate.

At first, I was not amused.

They arrived last week, entering my abode in the middle of my early-mid afternoon nap. They came bearing luggage, not food. Their luggage smelled of other felines which I found interesting, but annoying. I immediately decided that the bags now belonged to me and set forth in an effort to eradicate the offending scents.

I will now describe the invaders. The female offspring is called "Erica". She has the same coloring as her mother, but tends to display her teeth more often than is generally acceptable. (Though not in a hostile manner). I have noticed that in two legger culture this dental display is a sign of contentment or even "happiness". Truly annoying. Her mate "Kelly", embodies a trait that I find pleasing in a two legger: He rarely speaks at all. Though he appears "happy" as well, this quietude makes up for this "happiness".

I was to learn later that this "happiness" stemmed from the fact that on Christmas Day, they became "engaged". Apparently, when two leggers find someone that they are compatible with, they decide to commit themselves to one mate for the rest of their lives. This in turn makes them and all their two legged family members "happy".

I don't get it either.

Now, I have known Erica since I was a kitten and have always considered her to be a sort of long distance minion. Or perhaps a minion by birth. I'm not sure which is more applicable, but suffice it to say she is a minion. She comes to my home once or twice a year presumably to see me, and possibly visit my two leggers while she is here. Her adoration of me is acceptable if somewhat unpracticed.

Her new-found mate I have only met once before. He seems to have some dog loving traits, but I believe that given time, this can be corrected. As he entered my house, I inspected him and after some preemptive petting and scratching behind my ears, he settled onto my couch and provided a lap. I found this courteous and accepted his offering.

I decided that he had reached the level of Probationary Minion.

Ivan and Tiger Lily showed less discretion and accepted him instantly.

The only friction between us and the two leggers came when Erica realized that Ivan would nap on every two legger lap, save hers. There is a simple explanation for this. Erica's lap contains no padding. Ivan needs padding. A simple pillow would have solved this misunderstanding.

Well, Erica and Kelly left today to return to someplace the two leggers call the "air force". This confuses me because the only "air force" that I am aware of originates below Ivan's tail. This bears pondering.

Finally, I would just like to take a moment and express my appreciation to a very special minion by the name of Kelly Yorek. Kelly, (no relation to the offspring's mate) sent me a special Christmas catnip mousie thingy, among other offerings. It is greatly appreciated and has elevated her above all the minions who sent nothing.


  1. Hmmmm, do you think the air force minion would be able to bring you some birds? That would raise him in my opinion...

  2. I love reading your blog but it also fills me with fear and nerves (a bit like a good thriller, Ă„iti says). It makes me very grateful that we don't have visitors often - at least not ones who sleep in my kingdom. I'm not sure I could tolerate that. You are a brave soul.

  3. I iz glad you haz sum noo minyonz but they izn't vary useful if they duzn't stay. On teh other hand, iz sure its much moar peecefull when they duzn't stay. Its a conu..conom..konum....puzzle.

  4. Oh Cujo, Kelly truly deserves the accolade for her gift to you! But please understand that though I was neglectful in this one area, you have my eternal love and loyalty, dear Cujo! Glad to see you have your kingdom back for your unhindered enjoyment!

  5. Wow it sounds like you have had a lot going on there - no wonder you were not able to get to the blog. We have that happen too sometimes, though it is usually not caused by visitors. At least your visitors were nice and cat friendly - that is always a bonus in terms of pets and snuggles.

  6. Cujo, you certainly have a way with words. Yesh, we know about visitors and their sometimes 'funny' ways; however, our momma gets all excited and happy when she has them so we allow their presence, especially when we know that they will be giving extra treats and admiration.

  7. Cujo, you have been very busy!!! We hope that you have a great New Year!

  8. Cujo
    You had a very active time over the Holidays. We are happy for your visitors news, and we are glad you had such a great time.