Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Ivan Knows Football

Lately, many of my minions have expressed a wish to hear from Ivan again.

Many have also expressed a desire to hear my NFL Playoff predictions. Football bores me because it is not violent enough for my refined tastes and Ivan spends the majority of his Sunday afternoons sitting in the lap of the male two legger watching football. So I figured I could kill two bird thingies with one swat and allow Ivan to give his NFL playoff predictions.

If this goes horribly wrong, as I predict it will, remember, you have no else to blame.

And so once again, I turn the floor over to Ivan:

Ooops, hold a sec, first I have to pry Ivan's claws out of the carpet. When I said I was turning the floor over to him, he thought that I was about to actually turn the floor over and panicked. Now I have convinced him that the floor will stay horizontal and he is coming to the computer typey thingy. And so I present.......Ivan.

Ummmm, Boss says I gotta make words again. He says I gotta pick who gonna win football games. He says I know bunches about football. 

I dunno, but I try.

He help me orgaensz...um....erganze.....um....argeniz.....um....arrange my picks:

Bengals against Texans- Bengal is big cat. Texan drinks beer and drives truck. Bengal wins.

Colts against Ravens- Colt is little horse. Raven is big black bird thingy that eats garbage. Little horse kicks big black bird bird thingy, but big black bird thingy flies away. Bengal wins.

Vikings against Packers- Viking is big two legger that uses axe. Packer has head made outta cheese. Viking is distracted by cheese, lays down axe and forgets to play. Packer picks up axe and kills big black bird thingy eating garbage. Packer wins.

Seahawks against Redskins- Seahawk is another big bird thingy. It does not eat garbage, but is very loud. Redskin is two legger with a rash. Seahawk flies while Redskin scratches. Seahawk wins.

Sekond Round:

Broncos against Bengals- Broncos is bigger horse, but Bengal still a cat. Bengal wins.

Ravens against Patriots- Raven is still big black bird thingy. Patriot is....ummm....not. Raven wins.

Packers against 49ers- I dunno what a 49er is but I think that there are almost fifty of them. They from  California where all two leggers are lackto......um..laxtos...um.....can't have milk. They cannot have cheese. Packer wins

Seahawks against Falcons- Battle of big bird thingies. Bengals win.

Thurd Round:

Bengals against Ravens-Cat eats big black bird thingy.

Packers against Seahawks-Big Bird thingy cuts the cheese and makes lotsa noise. Seahawk wins.

Superbowl Thingy:

Bengals against Seahawks- Bengal eats Seahawk. Seahawk bones choke Bengal. Ivan eats both. 

Ivan wins.  

Don't say I didn't warn you.


  1. I am laughing so hard right now, I can barely type...LOLOL Hilarious!!! BTW, those big striped cats, err, Bengals are all fluff and no stuff!!!

    1. I agree about the Bengals, but they are the only cats left, so Ivan rooted for them. :)

  2. ok - now us and mom have the giggles.....you should let Ivan audition for ESPN - he is better than most of the talking heads over there. GO IVAN!!

    1. Ivan can't even spell ESPN, so he'd probably just get lost.

  3. OMC that is so funny and we's don't even watch football. Mom does 'cuz Jon Ryan (Seahawks) is from where we is from. She says she thinks Ivan is furry smart, MOL.

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku