Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Young and The Useless

This morning I awoke to the sound of  "whack....whack....whack".

Admittedly, my first thought was that the voice in my head thingy (the one that tells me to do bad things) was up to its old tricks. But I quickly realized that the voice that was telling me to "whack...whack...whack" was not originating in my noggin, it was coming from my front yard.

Curious as to who would have the temerity to order me to do something that I would happily do anyway, I decided to investigate.

As I jumped up into my bay window, I beheld the strangest thingy that I have ever beheld. It was something so unusual that I began to suspect that some evil scientist thingy had been running amok in the local countryside....again. Or, perhaps radiation had leaked into the local water table and mutated the local wildlife......again. Or, maybe a young wizard was playing hooky from his school and had come to visit the Pacific Northwest and mess around with the local fauna.......Or, possibly that catnip I had for breakfast was affecting my head thingy in adverse ways......again.

All I know is that it was the strangest looking bird thingy (?) I had ever seen. The body somewhat resembled a small chicken. But there the resemblance ended. It's feet were large, flat and webbed, causing it to walk like Rosie O'Donnell approaching an All You Can Eat buffet.

But the most striking aberration of this freak of unnature, was it's head thingy. Imagine this if you dare: It had no beak! In place of a beak, it had the bill of a platypus!

That's right. I have discovered a new species. I am calling it the Platypus-Billed Chicken Thingy (Goofycus Avis Birdius) or P-BCT. The P-BCT seems content to waddle around in circles saying "whack....whack.....whack". 

This set me to pondering....

I once heard that everything in nature is connected. Each creature benefits the life cycle of another creature. Trees provide oxygen, birds nest in trees and eat their fruit and defecate the seeds thereby spreading them and enabling the trees to reproduce. Bees collect pollen from flowers for food, but also spread the pollen to other flowers enabling them to reproduce as well.  Dog thingies clean litter boxes and water trees. Even squirrel thingies have a purpose. They are a major source of protein.

The P-BCT seems to serve no such purpose. It is too ugly to eat and too cute to kill. Nothing that goofy looking could serve as a tool for terror and it shows no inclination towards chaos. I showed it to Ivan and while it did confuse him, I could draw no amusement from his confusion.

After much pondering, I have finally reached a conclusion:

The P-BCT serves no discernible purpose. It is a null-effect organism. It harms nothing and benefits no one.

As far as I have been able to ascertain, there has been only one other null-effect organism ever documented.

However scientists are still studying Justin Beiber.


  1. Bwwwwaaahhh!!!!! Love it! i hate Justin Beiber!!

  2. My human sis love Justin but I didn't know scientists love him as well !

  3. How amusing, Commonster Cujo!! You offer some interesting and wise observations. Pleez let me know if you ever identify the creature you have dubbed 'Goofycus Avis Birdius' SIR!!!