Thursday, January 31, 2013

Cold Blooded Killers?

The male two legger was watching the "Nightly News" on the talking box thingy the other night.

Generally I pay very little attention to the "Nightly News. It seems that they run the same program every night. Some two legger robbed some other two legger. Some group of two leggers attacked some other group of two leggers. It rained in Seattle. It's hot in Texas. It's cold in Wisconsin. There was a fight in Canada and a hockey game broke out.

Perhaps they should change the name of the program and call it the "Nightly Olds".

However, in this case, one story caught my attention. It was a report that stated after an exhaustive study, scientists have figured out that we cats are responsible for the deaths of over 1.2 billion bird thingies every year in the U.S.

I find this report outrageous!

I would like to thank the Evening News for bringing this to my attention.

1.2 Billion? C'mon, we can do better than that! We must be getting soft. Perhaps our years of "domestication" are affecting the natural order of things.

Granted, many of us, such as myself, are strictly "indoor" cats. We do not go outside. This is no excuse. We must utilize ways to lure the bird thingies to us. For instance, when the two leggers are not watching, I often place bird seed on the windowsill, inducing the odd bird to fly smack into a closed window pane. It makes a most satisfying thunk when they strike the glass. Sudden cardiac arrest is another method I employ. I hide behind a chair next to the sliding glass door. When the bird thingy lands on the deck, I throw Tiger Lily against the glass. This will usually cause the target bird thingy to drop dead on the spot.

For those of you who get to go outside, you guys need to step it up. Practice your stalking techniques. Perfect your pouncing. Skip a meal if it helps.

Now go out there and get them!

I expect our annual bird thingy casualty (ABTC) projections to rise by thirty percent this year.

But, I do ask one thing. Leave the squirrel thingies alone.

Those are for me.


  1. LOL "Skip a meal if it helps" is great advice to stalking indoor/outdoor felines Cujo!!! I also saw this on the News...seems to me that the numbers need a Cujo adjustment...say maybe 1.277253 bird thingies per year might be a better estimate?

    1. Thanks Glenna! I shall check the math and get back to you :)

  2. Oh Cujo, no matter how hard we try, we will NEVER catch up with the numbers of birds killed by humans! I even wrote an editorial about it today.

    1. Very true Sparkles! BTW, do you still do book review thingies? If so, would you be interested in reviewing my books? I would also like to post a link to your blog thingy on here if that is alright with you.

  3. They should thank us, right? 1.2 billion birdies less means a bazillion baby birds...cripes the two leggers would be overrun by birdies, MOL!

    We's not allowed outside either so we watch the birdies on cat television....we'll have to try the birdseed trick!

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku