Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Two legged Furniture

It boggles my brain thingy.

Two leggers who have lived among felines all their meager lives are still confused by our actions.

So once again, in my ongoing mission to educate, I feel compelled to elucidate another basic concept of feline behavior. The behavior of which I speak is our tendency to walk or run over any resting two legger.

First, allow me to explain (again) that we felines are domestic apex predators. We are cute and cuddly killing machine thingies. Every cell in our adorable little bodies is programmed to hunt, mutilate, murder and nap.

We utilize all six senses in our quest to slay all we survey.

 However, the sense I wish to speak of today is our sense of sight. Our eyes, like those of many predators are sensitive to movement. Or as the scientists say: "The eyes of a cat, like those of many predators, are sensitive to movement". It is a trait known as eyesaresensitivetomovementia. Our eyes and attention are immediately drawn to any moving thing, no matter how small and inconsequential. Dust mote or elephant, the size does not matter. As soon as we detect motion, we are driven to stalk, and if physically possible, subdue and munch upon whatever has caught our attention. On the other paw, if the movement ceases, it immediately loses our interest and we are basically blind to the unmoving object (unless we decide that we require petting and adoration).

Hence, a two legger who has planted themselves upon a couch and ceases moving, to our eyes, has just become just another part of the couch suitable for laying upon or walking across. The two legger in question is simply another lump in the upholstery. They are usually the softest part of the furniture and therefore considered a desirable spot for napping.

Personally, I find that the springy midsection of the male two legger makes an ideal launch pad for pouncing and other chaos-causing activities.

But that is not the only reason we behave in this manner.

There are times that two leggers begin to gain too much self-confidence. It is our sacred duty as their superiors to quash such ambitions immediately and with extreme prejudice. This is easily accomplished by aggressively ignoring them. This is accomplished by utilizing a maneuver I like to call the Supremely Submissive Supernumerary Snubbing (4S). I simply walk back and forth across their laps, claws extended of course, totally ignoring any sounds or screams they may emit. The 4S does require practice owing to the fact that after several revolutions, the victim.....um, I mean two legger, may decide that they have "had enough" and attempt to forcefully evict the cat engaged in the 4S. A cat proficient in the art of 4Sing can detect the subtle signs (extreme agitation, facial tics, screaming, open weeping.....etc) and settle into a nap at the critical moment.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

Those two leggers aren't going to ignore themselves.   


  1. My vocabulary has just expanded...eyesaresensitivetomovementia. Nice word Cujo!
    I am especially amused by this: "A cat proficient in the art of 4Sing can detect the subtle signs (extreme agitation, facial tics, screaming, open weeping.....etc) and settle into a nap at the critical moment." LOL!!! :D (open weeping!)

    1. Thanks Glenna! I am so glad I was able to expandificate your vocabulary thingy :)

  2. Whenever our mom sees a new post from you in her e-mail, she gets so excited and starts acting like a fool. We have several cats proficient in 4S, but right now, Calista Jo is at the top of the list. She finds this to be a particularly good use of her time when mom is occupied on the computer and her nice soft belly is just below the edge of the island countertop. But, trust us, we have all pursued this occupation at one time or another. MOL! You kitties keep up the good work of torturing, we mean training, your two-leggers. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

    1. Hehehee,
      Thank you all. I am so pleased to hear that your two legger enjoys the blog thingy :) Keep up the 4Sing! Practice makes purrfect :)