Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Curiosity Killed The Two Legger

My male two legger watches many programs on the talking box thingy. The topics of these programs vary widely: sports, history, drama, comedy, bad science fiction and even a little Disney Channel when he thinks no one is looking.

But the one topic he seems to gravitate to (pardon the pun thingy) is science.

Mostly I am indifferent to his choices, but last night he watched a couple of programs that peaked my interest.

The first program was about "Schrodinger's Cat". According to some egg-headed two legger named Schrodinger, if you place a cat in a box and seal it up, the cat could be considered both "dead" and "alive" at the same time due to the fact that the two legger conducting the experiment would be unable to observe the state of the cat.


No, I take that back, what I meant to say was: "STOOOOOOPPPPIIIDDD!!!" (with a tail twitch at the end)

First of all, it has been proven beyond reasonable doubt that no two legger ever born is capable of forcibly placing the smallest kitten or even most geriatric cat inside a box.

However, for argument's sake, let us suppose that Schrodinger realized this before beginning his experiment and instead placed a box in the middle of a room and then told his resident feline that under no circumstances were they to be allowed inside the box. This of course would result in the aforementioned resident feline immediately jumping into the box.

Okay, now we have a cat in a box.

Now the cat must be sealed inside the box. This would take at least six lab assistants as well as a syringe of industrial strength tranquilizer stuffs. After Schrodinger sleeps off the tranquilizer stuffs that was inadvertently injected into his own thigh during the melee, Schrodinger is now free to observe the theoretical cat in a box.

What Schrodinger would observe at this point is a box that has suddenly become animated. It is bouncing across the floor while emitting a great squawling and hissing sound that would make any squirrel thingy within a five mile radius drop dead in fright. Within two minutes, a claw would appear along one of the seams of the box, quickly followed by a ripping sound that would herald the "releasing of the beast".

This would not end well for Schrodinger.

So what has Schrodinger learned?

While one may not be able to determine whether a cat sealed inside a box is alive or dead, one can safely assume that it is highly miffed.

The next show the two legger watched was about a Russian two legged scientist named Pavlov.

Pavlov figured out that if he rang a bell every time he fed his dog thingy, the dog thingy would begin to associate the ringing of the bell with being fed. He "proved" his theory by ringing the bell and observing that his dog salivated.

Apparently, Russian science had yet to discover one basic fact.


It is what they do. It is the one thing that they excel at. Pavlov's dog didn't drool because he heard a bell ringing, he drooled because he's a dog. Pavlov could have just as easily played a minuet on the bongos and the dog would have still drooled.

However, this particular show had a happy ending.

Pavlov was later eaten by a polar bear while attempting to ring a bell at it. It seems that bells make polar bears hungry too.


  1. We have often wondered about Schrödinger's Cat too, as it is Äiti's favourite 'thought experiment'. And we are determined it will only be that,
    Do drop by our blog if you wish for some satisfaction in your campaign against squirrels.

    1. I have just dropped by your blog thingy and must congratulate you on some excellent squirrel carnage!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Sorry, this post thingy had too many mistakes.

  3. LOL Commonster Cujo! Your Genius shines again! Schrodinger must have been referring to some other kitteh thingies in an alternate Universe!!

    1. Thanks Glenna! Methinks Schrodinger was a fool.

  4. Our Mommy is a Scientist and we can attest to her outlandish tomfoolery. It must be a requirement.

  5. Whoa! My Mommy watches the history channel. She likes to watch stuff about Egypt. Which me, purrsonally likes as is cats was worshipped! Me thinks we should still be worshipped!
    And what a great place too. Egypt looks like a big huge litter box!

  6. Ahh, Cujo, I will never think about Schrodinger's cat the same way ever again!!! My head hurts from laughing. Your observations were spot on!!

    It is also a truth universally acknowledged that that noise emitted by a cat DEMANDING to go outside may scare squirrels everywhere, but cannot move my lazy human from her bed!! I agree with Nellie - at least in Egypt humans knew their lowly place. As well as the excellent point about Egypt being a huge litter box *smiles in bliss at the thought* (as does the human at the thought of never having to scoop again.....) I note that all of that desert would leave a lot of room to bury the bodies of insubordinate humans .....so.....LET.....ME.....OUT!!!! NOW!!!!!
    Stupid human!

    With the backyard in my thoughts
    Evil Elmo

  7. Oh mighty Cujo, Master of the Universe (both known and unknown)

    This is Evil Elmo's lowly human. I greatly regret the distress my master is experiencing. My only wish is to serve his every need, fill his water bowl, replenish his food bowl and gratefully scoop the poop he so generously bestows upon me.

    Alas, it is midday here and temperatures are high, as are my master's commands. Yet if I were to comply with his wishes, I fear that his abundant, lush, floofy fur would not be compatible with the current weather conditions and that he would overheat, causing him physical distress. This in turn would cause me great emotional distress. (But I know that my wishes, that like of every human, are of no importance compared to that of our Great Cat Gods.)

    I praise him for sparing my unworthy life, and am gratified to receive his merciful punishment of leaping onto the bed and landing on my stomach, however many times he should see fit to do so.......which is many.

    With scraping and bowing
    I am unworthy to be
    Evil Elmo's human servant

    *rushes off to pick up the many knock knacks that were just displaced*