Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Cooking Up Chaos

Sometimes, when you least expect it, something wonderful can happen.

Of course by "something wonderful", I mean chaos, mayhem, two leggers running in panic and the semi-monthly two legger ritual known as "The Bandaging of The Wounds".

Last night just such a fortuitous phenomenon occurred.

As per usual, it started out innocently enough. The two leggers arrived home from work around half past dark. They must have stopped by the place where they gather their food because their paws were laden with bags full of the stuff.

SIDE NOTE: Two leggers carry their food in bags that were not actually invented to carry food. They were invented to amuse cats. Evidence of this lies in the fact that they break if burdened with anything heavier than a tomato and two grapes, yet they provide endless hours of entertainment for any bored feline within a five-mile radius. (I prefer paper over plastic for its noise making and bushwacking potential.)

Anyway, as I was saying, the two leggers came home and began sorting their foodstuffs, placing them in various cabinets and cupboards. Some they placed in the fridge thingy. As per their ritual, they left a few items that belong in the fridge thingy on the table. (They do this every time so they can make an offering to the garbage gods the next morning.)

Upon turning a knob on the oven in preparation for incinerating their evening meal, the two leggers offered us food and retired to their bedroom to change their clothes.

Now begins the fun.

As I ate, I noticed a fog bank begin to form in the hallway. Though I have often pondered the fog outside my bay window on many an early Autumn morning, I had yet to witness fog banks within the confines of my home. Curious, I decided to investigate.

I soon discovered that the fog was rolling in from the West, or to be more specific, the kitchen. It would seem that the oven thingy was the source of this unexpected weather event. As I sat there pondering, an extremely loud BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!! sound began issuing from the two small round thingies that sit upon the ceiling of the hallway.

Jaq immediately jumped into the nearest box and began singing "Burning Down The House" by The Talking Heads. Ivan jumped up from his meal and with his stubby little micro-legs all a blur, skittered down the hallway, tripping the male two legger who was rushing toward the kitchen. Ivan misjudged the turn to the bedroom and slammed into a closet with a resounding crash, leaving a permanent impression of his nose and forehead in the wood of the closet door. Tiger Lily, who was in the litter box at the time, found her visit somewhat redundant at this point and retreated under a bed.

I watched eagerly as the male two legger opened the oven door. A large flame shot out of the oven followed by a large billow of fog. He quickly grabbed a pan and using some tongs, he pulled a small flaming mousish shaped ball of burning material out, carefully placed it in the pan and ran out the back door. The female scurried through the house opening windows and turning on fans.

Unfortunately, peace and tranquility soon returned to my kingdom. 

In the aftermath, the two leggers reached the conclusion that a silicone grippy thingy had fallen from a pan and onto the heating element.

I am unconvinced.


By examining the evidence, I have reached another conclusion.

The evidence:
A. The smell of burned catnip still permeates the air.
B. The mousish shape of the burning lump that the two legger extracted from the oven.
C. The apparent absence of one of my catnip mousie thingies (Larry)

And finally.......

D. The fact that I may have "accidentally" dropped Larry down the oven vent when I was playing atop the stove about five minutes before the two leggers got home.


  1. Oh, how I adore this blog!! Haha, what a chaos! Poor two-leggers of yours - must have had a bit of a panic, eh. Well, it's a good job you stayed calm and made notes to share with us!

    1. Thanks :) The two leggers will be fine, but only after some intense psychotherapy. (Which they needed anyway)

  2. LOL! Gotta LUV Jaq with "Burning Down The House" by The Talking Heads!!! :D