Friday, September 21, 2012

Knowledge In The Air

I receive around 30-40 email thingies per day from minions requesting my advice, knowledge or help in dealing with unruly minions. Most of these I answer privately, but on occasion I feel compelled to post my answer in my blog thingy.

Sometimes I do this because I believe my answer will serve the greater good. Sometimes I do this because it may cause embarrassment to the two leggers of the writer. Mostly, I do this because it amuses me.

What follows is one such piece of correspondence.

"Dearest Cujo, High Poobah of All Universes, (both known and unknown) Grand Pawed Potentate, Sheik of Shredding, Master of Mayhem and Crown Prince of Chaos,
    You have often described how felines communicate through the use of body language, vocalizations and liberal use of hairball thingies. However, I once read on the interwebs that some animals are able to communicate through their sense of smell. Do cats use this form of non-verbal communication as well?
    Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom you may choose to impart upon my lowly brain thingy.
                          Sincerely, your loyal minion,
                                                 Ching Pao O'Rielly-Martinez"

Dear Ching Pao O'Rielly-Martinez,
       First of all, your name is too long, so I will call you "Barb".
Barb, you bring up a very good question. As a matter of fact, a large part of inter-cat communication is indeed accomplished by use of olfactory processes. Our nose thingies are acutely tuned to pick up and interpret various scents emitted and spread by other felines.

These scents are called hairymones. Very subtle differences in the chemical make-up of the hairymones can convey different messages and are known by several different names according to the message they are intended to convey. Here are just a few:

If a cat wishes to communicate his displeasure, he will emit scare-amones. This is intended as a warning to others to bother him at their peril.

The annoying party is then expected to produce fear-amones and skedaddle immediately.

If he suspects that his scare-amones are being ignored, he may begin to give off don't-you-dare-amones.

If this warning fails to get your attention, the smell of your blood will be infused with the scent of tear-amones.

As the source of his annoyance lays there bleeding, he will saunter off reeking of I-don't-care-amones.

There are far too many hairy-mones to list here. From the common, everyday "how do ya do?" scents to the much more complex and scarcely known rare-amones.

However, there is one scent that those who love in close proximity to Ivan are all too familiar with. It is triggered by the sound of Ivan scritching in the litter box. It is commonly known as: Don't-breathe-the-air-amones.


  1. LOLOLOL Too Funny!! *I-don't-care-amones* LOL!!!!

  2. mol! Yep, the beware-amones of the impending poop to be scooped. Truly one of the most frightening things in the world.

    With malice afore-scent
    Evil Elmo

  3. Mes did not knows all those moans existed! Now all me needs to do is figure out what a baritones is!

  4. Cujo, This is Benji Boy from the past.

    Let me tell you, Cujo, All those 'mones in the air are not at all fair. Hence, I dare you to care about the why and the where of that rare saintly pair; who brighten the air in your elegant lair. Where you glare and you stare and you put on the airs ~ about affairs that are theirs.

    You pee and you poop and mess up the stoop and their only defense is a large handled scoop.

    If I were in charge, you'd be kept in a large...

    Or possibly made into kitty cat soup!

    But your two leggers fair, don't mind the bad air, and gently repair all the damage you do with your fast sheding hair. Beware!!

    Yes, Cujo, my friend,take this little clue. Clean up your act~ before you become Benji Boy Stew!!

    1. I love it! Cujo needs a little trimmin to his attitude. One of these days as so aptly put, he will be in deep do-do and the sqirrel thingie will be eating the Benji Boy Stew.

      Woooo Hoooo