The Truth About Cat And Dog Lovers

I am often contacted by individuals seeking my wise and sage counsel.

I try to answer any and all requests, however, some mysteries require more pondering than others.

One of the most asked, and most controversial questions is: "Why do some two leggers seem drawn to the companionship of dog thingies, while others seek servitude to cats?

I have pondered, and am now ready to put forth a hypothesis. Well, perhaps not a hypothesis, I believe I can safely go as far as to call this a theory. 

I have spent much time and effort studying two leggers and all their odd behaviors. Groups of two leggers tend to exhibit common traits.

First let us look at those with a propensity towards dog thingies:

As a rule, dog thingy lovers, (DTLs) tend to be what scientists term Controllus Freakapotumii. They find joy and fulfillment in the unswerving loyalty and slavish devotion that dog thingies in their limited cerebral capacity give in spades. They are easily amused by the antics of the dignity impaired. They feel that no car is complete without a dog thingy hanging out of the passenger side window, lips and ears flapping in the wind, slinging slobber upon the cars that are unfortunate enough to be trailing behind them. They expect this same dog thingy to bring them their slippers and newspapers on demand.

The second type of two legger keeps company with cats:

Those who seek servitude to cats (TWSSCs) however, hold no delusions of grandeur. Known to science as Pussycatticus Whippedii They are a highly evolved form of two legger that has accepted the fact that they are put on this Earth thingy to serve their four legged, whiskered and clawed betters. They have arrived at the realization that resistance is not simply futile, it is stupid. They know that their avocation is to feed, shelter and provide all that we require. They know that it is simply easier to comply than to complain. They live in houses filled with shredded drapes, scratched furniture, and hairball filled hallways in order to receive what little affection we may occasionally show them.

Finally there is a third type of two legger:

They are the two leggers that are a combination of the DTL and TWSSC. These are commonly known as Masochists.