Sunday, April 1, 2012

Jaq In The Box

I have been pondering Jaq.

Since I subjugated her last year, she has remained somewhat secretive. She keeps her thoughts to herself. She hides her emotions well. Although she will play with me on occasion, there is always a certain reservation in her antics.

And so I have continued to watch.

And ponder.

And now after much watching, after much pondering, I have reached a conclusion in regards to her behavior.

Jaq is insane.

Please don't misunderstand me, she is not "scary" insane. She is no serial killer. She is "fun to watch" insane. She is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, floating in a sea of lunacy, on a raft made of cuckoo puffs, lashed together with vines of nuttiness and wearing a bow made of crazy.

You may think I exaggerate, but I have evidence:

On the evening of February 27, at approximately 11:08, while she lay sleeping on the lap of the male two legger, she with no warning whatsoever, launched from her spot and flew from the room leaving nothing but a bleeding two legger and a poofed Ivan in her wake. She returned 14 minutes later as though nothing unusual had happened causing Ivan to poof once again.

Exactly 42 minutes later (give or take 36 hours) She repeated this odd behavior.

On the morning, or perhaps evening, or maybe early afternoon of March 17, as I walked through my kitchen, I noticed that an empty beer thingy box was moving. Thinking that perhaps an ill mannered mousie thingy had entered my kingdom without my permission, I immediately began to stalk yon beer thingy box. Ivan, seeing my sudden switch to attack mode, fell in beside me in an effort to provide back up in case the mouse thingy should attempt to elude its impending torture and death. Just as we were about to pounce, my ears beheld the sound of Barry Manilow's "Copacabana" issuing forth in Jaq's reedy voice. Jaq was inside the box thingy singing cheesy music from the 1970's.

This caused Ivan to poof and bolt from the room. (Disco often has this effect on Ivan)

This was not the only "box" incident.

It would appear as though Jaq has an affinity for boxes of all types and sizes. Since the "Copacana" episode, I have often witnessed Jaq taking up residence in a formerly empty box. She always sings quietly to herself, but her repertoire has since grown to include Show Tunes, Opera, Top 40 and once, (gasp) Rap. 

Truth be told, her idiosyncrasies amuse me. They not only often cause the male two legger to bleed, they have also given Ivan a fear of all singing boxes.

Now, if I can just get her to learn some Soft Jazz.


  1. Jaq may be related to our Mommy, who sits in the white water box thingy and warbles.
    She is also insane.

  2. ♪♫♪ Go Sister, Soul Sister ♪♫♪ Go Sister, Jaq, Sister ♪♫♪ You ROCK!! :D

  3. Hmmm, Cujo - I hope you were not casting asparagus on kitties who like boxes?! The cooking room of my domain is currently filled with box thingies of various sizes: one to lounge in, another to pounce from and another to zoom through.
    Not only do they greatly amuse me, they have the added benefit of tripping my human in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning when she staggers in zombie-like, whispering desperately for a brown elixir she calls "cough fee".
    I like to plot evil schemes whilst lying in ambush in boxes......although in my opinion, singing inside a box (especially *shudder* Barry Manilow) desecrates the sanctity of the box and should be punishable by death.
    Or in your case, the smacking paw....which almost amounts to the same thing. So, smack away, Cujo...smack away! *insert evil laugh here*
    With malice aforethought
    Evil Elmo

    p.s What's wrong with robots???

  4. I have had the same revelation, Cujo, about the rest of the entire world. EVERYONE, except you of course, is crazy. Especially those I allow to stay (and pay all the bills) in my townhouse. And like you, I've learned to enjoy the show.
    ; ) Katie