Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Puzzled Puss Ponders

Today I have been pondering the world's greatest mysteries.

I was not feeling philosophical or anything, I was simply bored. When I become bored, I ponder.

Mystery #1
Why do the two leggers spend hundreds of dollars on cat toys, scratching posts, carpeted perches, thrones and catnip mousie thingies which they fully expect and encourage us to destroy, and then break out the water squirty thingy the moment we threaten to climb their $20 Walmart drapes? Please don't misunderstand me, I love all the expensive stuff they buy for my amusement, however, it seems rather hypocritical to spend more money on the stuff that I am expected to shred than on the stuff I really wish to destroy.

Mystery #2
The two leggers can watch any amount of graphic violence on the talking box thingy for hours at a time, yet they would totally freak if I were ever able to provide the squirrel thingy with the justice he so richly deserves. I have tried to convince them that it would not be half as gruesome as the violence they see on any given episode of  "NCIS", "Criminal Minds" or "Dancing With The Stars", yet the squirrel thingy still lives.

Mystery #3
I have seen many movies and shows on the talking box thingy that portray a breed of two leggers called "Romans". I respect these two leggers because they spent their lives running around causing worldwide mayhem and chaos. I have learned that the Romans came from a place called "Rome" in Italy. So the mystery here is, if they came from Italy, why did they all have British accents?

Mystery #4
Two leggers spend much time and effort trying to develop cat food that is "all natural" and that tastes like what they suppose we crave. Take it from me, they fail miserably. I have yet to meet the cat that wakes in the morning seeking to hunt down and kill a bunch of tiny, immobile, cubical creatures that reek of chicken, tuna and rice. We want food that runs, flies, squeaks or squeals. We want to look into its eyes and see the panic as it realizes that it has met something that is higher on the food chain. If the cat food companies wish to really impress me, they should find a way to bag a dozen squirrels with laser pointy thingies implanted on their heads.

That would be a meal worth eating.


  1. Gruesome violence on "Dancing w/the Stars"..now that is a scenario worth pondering further!! Oh such gems out the Musings of Monstrous Kittehs!

  2. I like where your pondering. ...especially the bagged squirrels. I wouldn't mind a small bird and rabbit thrown in for good measure.
    ; ) Katie

  3. ppl ask why I don't have curtains lol.

  4. bahahaha! Gruesome "Dancing with the Stars"!! Very witty! Love your pondering. Perhaps we should mix all your ponderings together - have the eliminated contestants on DWTS truly be 'eliminated', by having a Roman-esque gladiator event, with us stalking and hunting them down, chasing after the laser thingies on their heads, and then destroying them with our claws. Oh, I'm in ecstasy at the mere thought!!!

    P.S But I bet they'd still taste like chicken.

    With malice aforethought
    Evil Elmo