Friday, April 6, 2012

Ivan Gets Socked

Ivan is annoyed.

Of course, this describes Ivan about 97.69% of the time, but it still bears mentioning.

This time the cause of Ivan's annoyance is quite amusing.

For the last few days, the male two legger has been RTCT. (Restricted To Couch Thingy) Apparently the female two legger took him to the vet thingy and had him operated on. (This would have been more amusing if he had been forced to wear the cone thingy, but alas it would seem that there is a double standard at work here.)

So anyway, Wednesday afternoon, the female brought him home from the vet thingy, plopped him on the couch and ordered him not to move until further notice.

Anyone familiar with my male two legger knows that this is a punishment worse than death to him. He does not idle well. (Unless there is a football game on the talking box thingy and he has a copious amount of beer and junk food available.) Do not misunderstand, he is perfectly capable of wasting time in front of the talking box thingy, he has actually spent so much time on the couch in the past that he required a weekly dusting, however, if he is ORDERED to remain on the couch, doing nothing, it totally offends his sensibilities and causes him much distress and angst.

So why does this annoy Ivan?


The two legger is in his spot.

Actually, I must clarify:

The part of the two legger that was operated on is in Ivan's spot.

And it appears that it will not be moving anytime soon.

When Ivan first noticed that there was something in his spot, he attempted to move it through use of intimidation. He poofed up, crooked his tail, and hissed at it. This was met with both two leggers yeling "NO IVAN!!" and he was removed from the room. He next sought to reclaim his spot through more subtle means. He started by quietly lying on the feet of the two legger and slowly slunk his way North until he approached his spot. Just as he began to believe that he was going to succeed, the female spotted him and quietly removed him in order to not awaken the sleeping male.

 Ivan then resorted to "stalking" his spot. Regular followers of my blog thingy are aware that "stalking" is not Ivan's forte'.  He stalks like a whale climbs trees. He is simply incapable of stealth.

The result of Ivan's inability to stalk was that he ended up getting socked repeatedly.

Now don't start reporting my two leggers to the Society of Bunny Hugging Earth Mamas. (SBHEM)

They didn't punch him, They socked him.


Every time the two leggers detected Ivan beginning to creep up on his prey, (i.e. the male's lap) they would bean him with a rolled up sock. Ivan having never experienced a sock in its balled up form (larval stage) was completely unfamiliar with the potential projectile properties (PPP) of the aforementioned sock.

Over the last 72 hours, Ivan has been socked no fewer than 368 times.

One would think that the two legger would end up out of ammo with all the socks laying useless in the hallway.

Lucky for him, it amuses me to bring them back.


  1. My laughter knows no bounds!! It does a Cardinal merriment to see a cat go through such an ordeal! *Tweet* Get Well 2 legger, Soon!!

  2. Not sure what kind of surgery it was, but obviously the pitching arm is still in working order.

    Get well soon, Doug!

    Happy Easter!

  3. Oh, Ivan! Oh, Cujo! We are barking out loud with laughter!

  4. Mommy advises that the Male not ride any roller coasters...if his surgery was what she assumes it was.
    "Whales climb trees"--MOL!

  5. Bwaa! Haa! Haa! My Daddy has thrown his socks at Kozmo, upon occasion, me never thought to bring them back! That would be so much fun to watch again and again! Thanks for the hint Cujo! And me hopes your Man gets better soon!

  6. MOL Brilliant post. I'm with Katnip Lounge 'Whales climb trees' SOL (Snort out loud, not to be confused with snot out loud, although I do that often as well. I'm sure it provides endless delight for my human...)

    So, your male two legger had to go to the vet! We all know what happens there. When my human took me to the vet, they not only took my dignity but also another part of my anatomy. Vengeance shall be mine...!

    As for the cone, my human is laughing at the thought of them trying to 'erect' a cone around the part of your human's anatomy that might have been operated on...... bwahahaha!

    With malice aforethought
    Evil Elmo

    P.S. This is Elmo's human - wishing your human a speedy recovery.
    P.P.S This is Evil Elmo again - smacking my human for being *shudder* nice. Blah!