Sunday, January 8, 2012

A New Day

What a day:

4:00 am- I decide that the two leggers have had enough rest for one night and proceed to wake them up in order that they may go out and procure me a new Computer Blogging Machine Thingy. (CBMT) Though the sun had yet to make an appearance, I felt that they were wasting daylight and needed to get their oddly hairless butts in gear.

4:02 am- After drying myself  (the water squirty thingy had made an unexpected and completely unwarranted appearance) I decided to send Ivan to wake them up. I told him that the male was having a dream in which he was fishing and that if he woke the two legger during this dream, perhaps he would be inclined to share his catch.

4:03 am- Ivan returns soaking wet and somewhat miffed.

4:04 am- I have decided to let the two leggers sleep in. It is Sunday, and I am nothing if not benevolent.

4:45 am- Okay, enough is enough. I want a CBMT and I want it yesterday. I smack the door repeatedly until I hear the male stir. Before he reaches the door, I decide that it is time for my morning nap and repair to the couch. He enters the living room, (water squirty thingy brandished like a crucifix) finds nothing amiss and returns to bed.

9:00am- I allow the two leggers their morning ablutions and send them out the door with the warning that they will not be allowed back in my house unless they are in possession of my new CBMT. I also give Tiger Lily a whollop to demonstrate what their fate will be if they disappoint me.

2:30 pm- The two leggers have returned. In their absence, I have had to amuse myself by killing three dust bunnies, cursing the squirrel thingy, pondering Jaq, and convincing Ivan that his tail has been cheating on him.

2:35 pm- The male two legger has begun the process of setting up my new CBMT. Having watched several programs on Animal planet, I recognize the look on his face as the same one that gorillas at the zoo have when a new tire swing is introduced into their cage. He obviously requires feline supervision.

3:00 pm-The male has begun mumbling something about the "kid" at the store said this would be so easy. I do not understand his confusion and have no sympathy. I realize he needs more supervision and call Ivan and Jaq to assist.

3:25 pm- The male suddenly shouts "EUREKA!" and then begins mumbling again after the screen goes blank. He then shouts : "If I wanted to pay a thousand bucks to be aggravated, I could have bought Seahawks Season Tickets!!" I don't know what that means, but I suspect it is a sports reference.

4:00 pm- In exasperation, he hits the power button on the CBMT. It starts up perfectly and immediately logs on to the interwebs. He informs the female that with his superior computer skills, he has now set up my CBMT.

Who knew 12 hours could bring so much amusement?

Hide your children, lock up your squirrel thingies and prepare for Universal Domination.

I am back.


  1. Thank Cod. The world may once again spin on it's proper axis thingy.

  2. We're glad things worked out. It all could have been done a lot earlier if they had only paid attention to YOU!

    The Florida Furkids

  3. Ah Cujo! Yous has set all things right in the world!
    Good Work!

  4. YAY!!! We have missed you!!!!

    Oh and those Seahawks could easily be translated to the LIONS too!

  5. Thank you all for this warm welcome back! Caren, we could commiserate about football all day :(