Friday, August 5, 2011


This morning when my two leggers left my house, I noticed something sitting on my dining room table.

It was the female's computer thingy.


We currently have three computer thingies in my house. We have the large one that resides in the room that Tiger Lily is sequestered in at night. It takes up a whole side of the room and is decorated with multiple disks and poorly printed paper thingies. I believe that all these things have been deemed as garbage by the male, but for some inexplicable reason, he ignores the trash bin, preferring to stack all these things around and atop the computer thingy where they can fall while he works causing him much frustration and annoyance. This trash bin remains the cleanest and emptiest of all those within my house. Just another example of confusing two legged behavior.

The second computer thingy is called "The Laptop". This is the computer thingy that I currently write my blog thingy on. In theory, it is supposed to be portable, but it has the curious quality of making the male completely immobile whenever he uses it.

The third and most heavily guarded and highly coveted computer thingy is the one that the male gave to the female for Christmas last year.

She calls it her "iPad". I am confused by the name owing to the fact that it has no eye thingies and it is not soft at all. (I once tried to nap on it and found it too hard to be considered a proper resting place) She takes it with her everywhere she goes and NEVER leaves it unguarded.

Until today........

I found it on the table and decided to attempt to discover what all the hoo-ha was about.

Apparently, it is activated by simply walking on it. I have never witnessed the female stepping on the screen, but it seemed to work for me.

A whole new world opened beneath my blood-stained little paws. (I'll explain the blood-stains some other time, after I come up with a believable alibi) This I-pad thingy has little "icon" thingies all across the screen. Each "icon" triggers what is called an "apt". The term "apt" seems silly because they all seem so useless. There were apts for shooting bird thingies at sheltered pigs, for arranging numbers in big boxes, there was even one that supposedly helps two leggers lose weight.

I soon realized that none of these apt were designed by cats. If I was in charge of designing them, I guarantee there would be differences. The apts I would design are as follows:

1. A screen saver that would show an animated saber tooth tiger gnawing the head of a smurf.
2. Another screen saver that would show an animated saber tooth tiger gnawing the head of a squirrel.
3. Yet another screen saver that would show bunnies playfully hopping through a meadow.................. until they encounter a saber tooth tiger gnawing the head of a blue squirrel. 
4. An apt that would make crashing sounds whenever the two leggers were in the shower.
5. And finally an apt that would create the foulest smelling odor the world has ever known.

Nevermind on that last one. There is already an apt for that.

I have it loaded on my iVan.


  1. #5... my hubby has that, it came with his system.

    Now, about those blood-stained paws? Come on, hack it up like a hairball.

  2. My attorney thingy advises me not to answer that yet.

  3. #6. An apt that mimics the mating calls of squirrel thingys. To lure them indoors for slaughter.

    And why hasn't Tiger Lily peed on the Big Computer yet?

  4. my Mom has a laptop too and is equally as "immobile" as your dad whenever she is on it (like right now)

    This was brilliant by the way!

  5. there is an app called "cat game" if you like shiny lights