Saturday, July 23, 2011

The FNG (Freakin New Guy)

I am annoyed.

No, I am amused..

Perhaps I am annoyed in an amusing way.

Or maybe, I am amusingly annoyed.

I'll get back to you on that.

Anyway, the reason that I have such conflicting feelings is that in a fit of uncharacteristic charity, I have decided to hire a new minion.

A few days ago, while I was surveying my domain, I noticed an interloper in my yard. A small orange tabby had wandered into my kingdom.  This in itself is not that unusual, transient felines often drop by to offer their respects to me. However, this individual was different. He came seeking employment. Though I had no job openings at the moment, I felt I should at least grant him an audience.

I interviewed him through the sliding screen thingy that looks out upon my back deck. I asked him his qualifications for employment.

He replied that he was hungry.

I asked him why I should grant him full minionship.

He replied that he was hungry.

I inquired about his background.

He replied he was hungry.

Detecting a pattern, I decided to move on.

I asked him what special talents he possessed.

He replied that he was really good at being hungry.

Seeing that this was getting us nowhere, I ordered my two leggers to feed him. Which they did. The unintended affect of this being that they immediately fell in love with the little waif. This should not have surprised me. One thing that I have not mentioned about the female two legger is the fact that she immediately falls in love with any four legger that appears to be in need. I find this trait endearing, however, it was somewhat presumptuous of her to adopt him without my express permission.

I explained in no uncertain terms that this was unacceptable. I patiently told her that if she simply repented and sent the interloper packing, all would be forgiven.

She, of course, ignored me.

Her shoes will pay the price for her temerity.

Just as I was working myself into a full blown snit, something totally unexpected occurred. Tiger Lily spotted the new guy and went completely poofy tailed, owl faced, catnip crazed, monkey jumpin, squirrel huggin crazy.

I was amused.

I instantly realized that he could be useful. With my busy schedule, I do not always have the time to irritate her as much as she so richly deserves. Sometimes, we all could use a designated hitter.

I have named him "Jack". He shall be my apprentice.

Now I just have to teach him the evils of squirrel thingies.


  1. This should make excellent blog fodder!

  2. Concats on your noo minyun Jack. I likes hims names an Iz glad him iz at your howse, not myne.

  3. you are such a wise kitty for accepting this new minion. Oh the fun you will have.

  4. We can't wait to see what you have in store for Jack.

  5. Ya, this is gonna be fun to follow!