Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Connect the Dots

I received a package in the mail today. (or "the post" for those of you with the really cool accents)

The minion who sent it asked that I keep his/her/it's identity a secret. To say this request caused me some trepidation in opening said package would be a fair statement. Generally, world leaders such as myself do not accept anonymous gifts unless they are stupid, or aspire to martydom. However, I recognized the paw writing and decided to risk it.

After the package was opened, there appeared on my wall a........ red dot.

For some unknown reason, one of my minions felt that they could ingratiate themselves to me by sending me a........ red dot.

I was not amused.

They could have sent a catnip mousie thingy. They could have sent a feather. They could have sent one of those thingies that make a sound like a two legger farting. They could even have sent me a book on squirrel torture methods and devices. (Illustrated of course)

They sent me a........ red dot.

Just as I was about to unleash my utter frustration upon the new pair of shoes that the female two legger brought home yesterday, something happened.

The dot moved.

Not just a little, a LOT. It jumped from wall to wall. It bounced off the ceiling. It skittered across the floor. I felt compelled to kill the dot. Well, perhaps "kill" is too strong a word. Nope, I definitely wanted to kill it. But before killing it, I decided to ponder it.

I sat watching it for a time. Zooming from hither to yon, it soon attracted Ivan's attention. Ivan burst into the room like a wrecking ball wrapped in smelly, striped, orange fur. Knocking over furniture, glassware, lamps and one out of the two resident two leggers, Ivan it seems, felt no love for the red dot either. 

The dot disappeared.

It was then that I noticed the male two legger placing a small black cylinder back into the package. Curious, I investigated this object.

It had a button.

I pressed the button.

The dot returned.

I pondered.

That was when it hit me. This was one of those laser thingies.

Oh, the possibilities.

My first thought was that when I see them used on the talking box thingy, stuff usually blows up. This gave me an idea. I waited until Tiger Lily was asleep in the bay window. Carefully, I pointed the laser thingy right at the back of her abnormally large head........

I pushed the button.

To my great dismay, she did not explode. However, she was completely flattened by a wrecking ball wrapped in smelly, striped, orange fur.

I am amused.


  1. This should provide much more fun than mutilating shoes! (at least for you, I'm not sure how Tiger Lily feels)

  2. mom is trying not to laugh too loudly at work.... Good work - and we hope you enjoy the red dot (though we suspect Tiger Lily may be plotting some revenge).

  3. You must try this at night. Aim the dot at the two-leggers.

  4. Cujo, have I ever told you that you meet and surpass the qualifications to be named a Honorary Hooligan? You are a *most* SignifiCAT.

  5. Ah, the joys of having minions who know the right gift to offer.