A History Lesson

Today is the fourth day of July.

Every year on this date, the two leggers decide to celebrate by cooking their meal outside on my deck. They consume food and drink and socialize into the wee hours. Generally fire and loud noises are involved.

I find this behavior curious.

So once again, I decided to ponder this two legged tradition. This is what I have discovered:

It seems that about  235 two legger years ago, (approximately 80.347 bajillion cat years) the two leggers that lived in North America decided that they no longer cared to be associated with the two leggers that lived across the ocean thingy. So they told them off and decided that from that day forth, they would be self-governing. (unless they had cats)

What many of you may be unaware of, is the fact that without cats, none of this would have been possible.

Back in 1776, the Founding Two Leggers were suffering under the oppression of being ruled by a government that took the fruit of their labors and gave them little in return. The British cared little for their American minions except as a source of food, catnip and reality television programs. The Americans one day woke up and said "We do not need a King thingy to eat our food, use our catnip, steal our ideas for television programming, and generally treat us like litter. We have cats!"

So a group of two leggers led by George Jefferson, Washington DeeCee, Old MacDonald and Bud Wiser wrote a nastygram to the Burger King and demanded a tea party. The Burger King was annoyed and sent some lobsters and a squid or two to America to show his displeasure.

This deployment of seafood did not impress the two leggers and annoyed their cats who were expecting tuna. So in a fit of pique, the two leggers wrote another nastygram called "The Declaration  Bill of Independent Rights Constitutional Thingy". This really put the Burger King's Royal Pantaloons in a twist and so he sent more lobsters. I do not understand the British strategy of seafood warfare, but then again, they are British.

Long story short, the American two leggers shot and ate the all the lobsters that the British sent.Eventually the Burger King lost interest and started shipping his seafood elsewhere.

To this day, American two leggers celebrate  the Fourth of July by eating hotdogs, hamburgers and apple pie.

Anything but lobster.