Friday, July 8, 2011

Deep Thoughts

Today, I was watching a program on the talking box thingy. The show was about a creature that is indeed worthy of my respect and admiration. The show was called "JAWS". The star of the show was HUGE.

It is called a "shark".

Sharks are a type of fish thingy. They are large, gray, tooth filled, cold blooded munch machines. 

It seems to me that their primary purpose in life is turning two leggers into no leggers.

I have a theory that they also possess hypnotic powers. This can be the only explanation for the two leggers obsession with them. Allow me to elaborate:

If I am aware that something in my vicinity has both the ability and the desire to eat me, I endeavor to avoid meeting it. One could even say that I vacate the area. If I know that this theoretical something resides in places that I have no business being in, I do not go into those places. I may send Ivan, but personally, I prefer to keep my own legs in their current undigested state.

Two leggers on the other paw, see this creature that is twice their size, has more teeth than most used car salesmen and desires nothing more than to leave little bits of scuba diver thingies in their fecal matter, and make a conscious decision that they will jump in the water with them. They wish to "study" them. They want to pet them. They want to convince other two leggers that sharks are simply "misunderstood".

What do they misunderstand?

Sharks like to eat. They like to eat two leggers. They do not eat two leggers because they were weaned too young, or because they did not receive enough attention from their mothers. They did not fall into the "wrong crowd.".

They eat two leggers because they taste better than seaweed and swim slower than fish thingies.

Ivan and I have decided that we should strive to be more shark-like. I am doubtful that given our size we could consume an entire two legger, but we have something that sharks do not.

A refrigerator.


  1. Personally, I prefer not to become shark bait, which is why I also prefer water that is clear enough to see what's in it.

  2. Start with the Thumbs...that's where their power resides.