Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Close Encounters of The Thurd Kind

The other day there was a report on the talking box thingy that someone on the south end of the island I live on, spotted an unidentified flying thingy.

I find this report very disconcerting.

I had no idea that there was a trailer park on my island.

No, I am not trying to insult the residents of trailer parks in general. I am simply stating a well-known fact. Whenever the news does a story in a trailer park it is because either an alien or a tornado recently visited it. Aliens and tornadoes seem to have an extreme attraction to house thingies on wheels.

I do not profess to know why Mother Nature hates trailer parks, but I have a theory in regards to the whole alien visitation issue. I have read that some believe that UFT sightings are more prevalent in trailer parks because of mass hallucinations brought about by the high rate of alcohol and recreational drug consumption sometimes found in these locations. Some say that the large aluminum structures arranged in geometric patterns serve as large collector dishes for alien signal thingies.

I believe these theories to be incorrect. I will now reveal the true reason that UFTs visit trailer parks.

The aliens in question are.............Interstellar Rednecks.

This theory solves so many mysteries. The IRs go to trailer parks to visit their terrestrial kinfolk. They drive around the stars in large, loud, unpainted vehicles. They drive erratically through the night, waking the neighbors and causing a ruckus. They even flee when the police show up. The odd rattling sound often associated with these encounters can be explained by the presence of empty beer cans bouncing around in the holds of their ship and Billy Ray Cyrus playing on their radios. They are often spotted flying through the night sky in long oval circuits not unlike an airborne NASCAR race. I suspect they may even have silhouettes of naked female aliens on the mudflaps of their spaceships. They were probably drawn to Earth when they picked up old broadcasts of "Hee Haw" and "Larry The Cable Guy".

I have submitted my theory to several government agencies and other research groups. Their refusal to respond proves that I am correct. They do not wish to encourage me lest I go public with my findings and they lose their research grants.

However, one group seems interested in my theorem. The World Association of Cosmic Know-It-Alls (WACK), have now elected me their leader and have requested that I attend their next convention to be held at the Holiday Inn in Toowookie, Arkansas (Room 302).

Finally, please rest assured that we have no reason to fear an invasion by the IRs. They are fully aware that we have opera music and are not afraid to use it.


  1. UFT thingies are quite common in the Mid-west, too, Cujo. In fact, I think IRs are quite a common sight here. Trust me, they are not deterred by 'Opera music'. Nice Try!!

  2. P.S. I am interested to hear how your WACK meeting goes! Pleez keep us birds and your fellow felines informed, OK? :D

  3. This is really an LOL and MOL story. Hope you don't get too many comments from offended rednecks. Though, we suspect there probably aren't too many redneck bloggers! Purrs and hugs from the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

  4. Hmm, Me has lived in a trailer park (well, 2 of them) In the first one, our house had been sucked up and spat out by a tornado. The insurance built a whole new (real) house on the wheels!
    Me must say that living surrounded by all that metal, is almost as good as wearing a aluminum foil at!

  5. I have a prize for you! You'll have to check out my latest blog post to find out what it is! he he he!