Sunday, March 17, 2013

The Royal Review of The New Royal Litter

You will recall that in an earlier post I assigned Ivan job of testing and reviewing The World's Best Cat Litter's newest product.

I have decided that I will conduct this experiment thingy in a most scientific and comprehensive manner. Not only will this result in a totally non-biased opinion, by assigning Ivan to the task, it should also provide some amusement.

By involving Ivan, I have added the third foundation stone in my pyramid of amusement.:
1. Potty jokes.
2. The bumbling of those less intelligent than ourselves.
3. Ivan.

We received a large bag of WBC Forest-Scented Formula a couple of weeks ago and I ordered the two leggers to prepare the Royal Litter for the test. They thoroughly cleaned all four boxes and then refilled one box with the Forest-Scented Formula. Another box, they refilled with my normal litter, WBC Multiple Cat Clumping Formula. In the other two boxes, they mixed the two formulas equally.

After one week of use and observation, I told Ivan to write his review and submit it to me.

This was a mistake.

Ivan spent the next six hours studiously working on his report, jotting down everything he could think of, sometimes staring off into space for several minutes and then with his tongue sticking out from the right-side of his mouth he would suddenly begin writing furiously. Finally, with a grin of triumph, tail swishing in a cocky manner Ivan strutted down the hall and placed his "masterpiece" in front of me.

I will now quote it verbatim:
                                       "It wuz gud."  

At this point I realized that as usual, I would need to provide some guidance. I decided to learn his opinion through the process of an interview. So here goes:

Me: "So Ivan, what did you think of the new litter?"
Ivan: "Think?? Boss, you never said Ivan hadda think!"
Me: "Relax, O' dim one, I mean 'What was your opinion?'"
Ivan: " Openin? Da openin was the same size as always, just big enough for Ivan to climb inside, do bizness and then climb out."
Me: "Not OPENING! OPINION!! How did the new litter work?"
Ivan: "New litter work just like old litter. Ivan climb in, dig hole, make stinky, cover stinky, cover stinky sum more, lookit stinky, cover stinky sum more, then leave."
Me: "Arrrrgggg!! Okay, let's move on. How did it smell?"
Ivan: "It smelled like a stinky."
Me: "I mean how did the litter smell?"
Ivan: "Oh, smell confused Ivan. Smelled like tree thingies. It smelled like woods. It scare Ivan."
Me: "Scared you?? Why?"
Ivan: "I not stoopid. I know what goes potty in woods. Bear thingy goes potty in woods. Maybe this litter made for bears. I look around, but not see bear."
Me: "Okaaaaaay, how did it clump? Aw nevermind! Could you smell the stinky after you covered it?"
Ivan: "You betcha! But first I hadda dig it up again."

Maybe my idea for interviewing Ivan was ill-advised. So I will now offer my personal observations on the product.

World's Best Cat Litter Forest-Scented Formula seems to work very well. It absorbs odor as well as the formula I've been using. The forest scent is subtle and not overpowering like many scented litters. My fellow felines and I have had no issues making the transition to the new formula and seem to show no preference for one or the other. However, my two leggers appear to favor the new product. Like most litters, it does tend to track a bit, but this may also be a result of Ivan making "litter angels" when no one is looking.

Bottom Line: I highly recommend this product. I have decreed that it is now Royal Litter of Choice from this day forward.

Just a side note: Ivan will be unavailable for a while. He is currently hiding behind the litter box in the hopes of catching and eating a bear.


  1. Another winner. Great job oh mighty one.

  2. All Hail Ivan!! "It wuz gud." works for me! *wink*

  3. Will you get any residual checks for your endorsement and save up a cat college fund for those cats less worldly and wise than you?

  4. OMCA THIS WAS HILARIOUS! LOVED IT! GREAT REVIEW from your fellow "Catvocate" xoxo