Thursday, February 2, 2012

Smack In The Box

Today a most unusual thing occurred.

My two leggers amused me.

They often try to amuse me, but generally fail miserably in their feeble attempts.

But I must give credit where credit is due. Today they succeeded.

This afternoon the male two legger left my house for a little while. When he returned, I saw that he had brought me a large box. As soon as he brought it through my door, I jumped upon it and proclaimed it mine.

The box was rather large. Standing approximately three tailspans by two tailspans, it also appeared quite heavy, if one were to judge by the vein popping out of the male's forehead.

I patiently waited for him to empty the box. I had no idea nor interest in what the box contained.( It didn't smell of catnip or treats.) For some reason that I have yet to fathom, two leggers tend to fill boxes with all sorts of useless items. They stuff them with electronic thingies, appliances, shoes, blankets and the occasional assortment of candies. (The female especially enjoys these)

After pondering this, I have reached the conclusion that they fill the boxes with these things in order that the box may maintain its shape and structural integrity while it is being transported. Without the filler, the box may be damaged or mangled, leaving it an unacceptable heap of bent cardboard, good for nothing except sharpening ones claws upon.

Therefore, I allow the two leggers to remove the filler and do with it as they please..

As long as they do not damage my box.

Boxes are possibly the most important and useful contribution that the two leggers have ever provided to modern feline society.

Their versatility is astounding. A resourceful feline can find any number of uses for a good box. It can be used as:
A portable hidey hole.
An unexpected ambush site.
A place to hide your catnip mousie thingy from other felines in your kingdom.
A trap.
A safe haven.
A launch pad to reach knock knacks that were previously unreachable.
A percussion instrument to be used in the wee hours of the night.
A place to spend a little "me" time.

Above all, I enjoy the prospects for chaos.Every box, no matter its size, comes equipped with an unlimited supply and variety of smacks. It is up to the individual to decide how they should be used. Here are a few of my favorites:    

Tiger Trap
I crouch behind the box and make small squeaky noises. Tiger Lily, thinking that perhaps the box may contain a mouse thingy, jumps into the box at which point Ivan and I begin slapping the sides of the box. This causes her to panic, poof and scramble to flee. Oh, the fun! 

   What Lurks Below 
This requires the box to be upside down. I hide inside and simply wait for anyone passing by. As they approach, the White Smacking Paw O' Death claims yet another victim.

                                        Boogity Box
This is best utilized at night in the hallway between the two leggers bedroom and closest bathroom. It requires patience, but I guarantee your patience will be rewarded. (You may wish to bring a snack) It relies on the fact that no two legger over the age of 35 can possibly sleep an entire night without at some point having to visit their litterbox. If your box is positioned correctly, two things will happen during their sojourn in the darkness:
1. They will stub their toe on the box in the darkness.
2. They will do everything in their power to stifle their scream in an effort not to awaken the other two leggers.
This is the optimum time to leap from the box hissing and squawling. In so doing, you will force them to wake every  two legger in the house.

Plus, their reason for visiting the bathroom will suddenly become moot.


  1. Yes! A Box! We needs to get Mommy to empty the ones that are stacked in the hall that wes brought back from the little house.

  2. A Box, Oh would you give up give your Kingdom for an empty BOX ? *giggle*

    1. I would not give up my kingdom, but I may sell off small portions.

  3. Boogity Boogity Boogity...let's go Smacking, boys!

    (Yes, out female two-legger watches NASCAR. *sigh*)

  4. Cujo! One of your best posts. I love the new color scheme. Really nice and very nice with your picture. Enjoy your box!

  5. We LOVE left the last one at the top of the stairs and Junior used it to surf down the stairs!!! Mom wishes should could have seen it (and not just heard it).