Monday, February 27, 2012

And The Winner Is........

After observing and pondering the two leggers for the last four and a half years, I have reached a conclusion:

All two leggers require validation.

They are always seeking praise in the form of awards, certificates and trophy thingies. They have entire walls dedicated to the display of such things. While most of these trophy thingies are made of metal and therefore hard to break, they do make a satisfying clunk when they hit the floor and if properly aimed, can even cause cranial damage on any unsuspecting gray, whiny tabby that happens to be walking below the shelf where the trophy thingies are displayed.

They spend hours watching programs on the talking box thingy where wealthy two leggers hand out awards to other wealthy two leggers. Afterwards, still other wealthy two leggers sit around and criticize what the honored wealthy two leggers wore.

Two leggers receive awards for everything. Acting, singing, sports, giving money to others, taking money from others, selling stuff, buying stuff, learning stuff, I even saw an awards show where they handed out trophies for being the "worst" in their prospective fields.

We feline types need  no such validation. Our success or failure is evident in the number of minions we subjugate, the size of our sphere of influence, and the amount of catnip mousie thingies we have stashed in various hidey holes throughout our house.

However, after much pondering, I have decided to keep an open mind. I have decided that we should have our own awards. The recipients of these awards are chosen by the National Organization for Determining Occasional Goofiness. (N.O.D.O.G.S.) Without further ado, I present to you:

"The Cujos"

The first Cujo Award goes to Ivan for Stinkage Above and Beyond the Call of Decency. On May 21st, 2011, Ivan laid a clump that was so far beyond the pale that the spare bedroom had to be quarantined and ventilated for three days before it was considered safe for habitation. The airing out of the spare bedroom also killed the rosebush that used to live outside the window and caused the squirrel to don a gas mask. 

The next Cujo Award goes to Tiger Lily guessed it: Meritorious Whining. On several occasions, Tiger Lily's whine has served to create chaos and mayhem within the confines of my kingdom. One instance in particular was when she emitted an ear splitting, constant drone during the last two minutes of last year's Superbowl thingy. This caused the male's eyes to bug out of his head and the tips of his ears to turn a brilliant shade of scarlet. It amused me greatly. I still smacked her, but I was amused none the less.

Jaq receives The Cujo Award for Extreme Manipulation of Two Leggers. In an amazing display of intuition and strategic planning, Jaq has not only been accepted into my house, she has convinced the two leggers that she is "the sweetest little kitty they have ever met".  What they don't know, is that while they are at work, she laughs about how gullible they are, how easily she ingratiated herself to them and how little time and effort was required.

As for myself, I require no award. A simple crown, throne and scepter will do nicely. Oh, and one of those feather thingies, I love those.


  1. ROFL!!! Brilliant once again, Monster and Commander :D (You DO deserve an award for this one)Still LOL...

  2. So what does the trophy look like? An evil squirrel thingy?

  3. Ah! KING CUJO! Has a nice ring to it!
    Nellie aka Queen Penelope