Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Egg and Ivan

I am amused.

At first I was annoyed, but now I am amused.

The source of my amusement is complicatedly simple.

Ivan has decided to become a "Mother".

Well, truth be told, Ivan has always been a "mother" in the context that he loves to eat moths, but now he has decided to become a "Mother" with a capital "M" and all that it implies. A "Mother" as in: One who gives birth to, and nurtures young".

Now I know you may argue that Ivan is incapable of becoming a "Mother" due to his lack of the bits and parts that are required to become a "Mother". However, one must never underestimate the power of ignorance.

No, no, Ivan is not planning on having a litter of kittens. That would be ridiculous.

Ivan is attempting to hatch a mouse thingy.

This may, or may not, be my doing.

It started this morning. I was awakened by the sound of Ivan rolling a small white ball up and down the hardwood floor of my hallway. This small white ball is of the variety that the male two legger likes to take to a park and punish by smacking it repeatedly with various sticks until it finally surrenders and hides in a hole. He then picks it out of the hole and continues smacking it until it finds another hole to hide in. He does this about 18 times before returning home and vowing never to do it again.

He calls it playing "goof".

Anyway, Ivan woke me while playing with this "goof" ball. However, it occurred to me that this was an opportunity to kill two bird thingies with one swipe.

I asked Ivan why he was playing with that mouse egg.

"Mouse egg?" Ivan replied.

"Duh" I said. "Where do you think mouse thingies come from?"

Ivan was confused. So I explained that mouse thingies are hatched from small, dimpled eggs that the two leggers (in their eternal hatred) smack around with sticks on sunny weekends. They smack them around to keep them from hatching. However, if one was to lay upon a mouse egg, keeping it warm and above all quiet, within 72 hours, the mouse egg will hatch and provide a tasty snack. I told him that if he wished to hatch it, he must guard it and let no one disturb it. The hall closet would be optimal for its development.

So, for the last ten hours, Ivan has been sitting in the hall closet on a "goof" ball. He hisses at anyone that comes near. He gets up every hour or so to make sure his mouse egg is warm and protected. He dreams of the munchy goodness he will enjoy once it hatches. The two leggers are confused, but not particularly worried. They have learned that Ivan is odd.

Sometimes I find it amazing that Ivan is so easily misled. I mean, thinking that mouse thingies are hatched from eggs? How gullible can he be?

Anyone with half a brain thingy knows that they are formed by dust bunnies.


  1. Good one Cujo! Me shall try that on Kozmo! 3 days of peacful bliss!

  2. Spontaneous mouse thingy generation is not the only thing formed by dust bunnies.

  3. Cujo you have such a Brilliant Mind! What will you tell Ivan after the 72 hrs?

  4. Cujo, we are SO enjoying your blog thingy. Going back and reading more. Hard to say what our favorite line was in this one... possible the whole "I may or may not be involved."
    ; ) Glogirly & Katie