Sunday, December 11, 2011

Kitty Kong

It has always been my belief that a coward dies many deaths, but a brave person dies but once. I have found this to be true, but not dying many deaths is not necessarily exclusive to cowards. It also applies to two other entities:

Catnip mousie thingies...........

 And Christmas trees.

Once again the two leggers have erected their annual act of futility that they call The Christmas Tree. Every year as the wind blows, the temperature drops and the squirrel shivers, the two leggers bring in a large box thingy and begin to erect the one thing on earth that they know we feline types are unable to resist.

They install a tree thingy in my living room, and then expect me not to climb it.

But wait, it gets better.

They then hang highly prized, sparkly, and best of all, FRAGILE thingies all over it.

In a fit of completely unjustified trust they tell me to leave it alone and retire to their bedroom leaving us, the furred residents, with the aforementioned mass of temptation.

While they are at it, they should just fill their shoes with catnip and tell us to stay out of the closet.

I once heard it said that the definition of insanity is the repetition of identical behavior with the expectation of different results. Using this standard, I have determined that my two leggers are certifiably looney, nuts, sanity challenged and furthermore out of their head thingies. Every year they erect this huge cat magnet and expect that it will remain intact until dawn.

It would be sad if it were not so amusing.

Over the years,we have created many games that involve the tree thingy:

Ground the Angel Thingy
Jingle Ball Bash
Icicle Hockey
Elf Neutering
Santa Slam
Light Snacks
And my personal favorite- Hide and Seek and Destroy.

Feeling charitable, I decided to allow Ivan to pick the first game of Tree Season this year.

I was pleasantly surprised when Ivan did not choose the same game he chooses every year, ( Knock the Tree Thingy Over and Eat Everything We Can Until the Two Leggers Squirt Us) instead he opted to make up a whole new game. Before I explain Ivan's new game, I must provide some background.

My male two legger is both a pilot and an aviation nut. Given his obsession with flying machines, he has coerced the female two legger into decorating the tree thingy with lots of miniature airplane ornaments. In the male two leggers mind, Santa's sleigh has wings and a turboprop.

Back to Ivan's new game. After watching a movie on the talking box thingy about a huge mutant monkey whose hobbies include grabbing female two leggers, climbing large buildings and smacking airplanes, Ivan climbed to the top of the tree thingy grabbed the Angel and then began crashing all the airplanes.

It was a thing of beauty. As the rest of us watched, Ivan reenacted the movie to perfection. I only wish the two leggers had been awake to appreciate his attention to detail.

There was only one discrepancy. The big monkey did not eat the head of the two legger at the end.

I like Ivan's ending better.

1 comment:

  1. It's reassuring to know our two-leggers are not completely crazypants. There is (and has not been for YEARS) a tree erected in our house.

    Ivan was truly inspired!