One Hundred Posts! And the Winner Is............

Welcome to my 100th post!

Wow, I have now posted my senseless drivel one hundred times, and yet you still keep coming back. I am not sure whether I should be flattered, or concerned for your mental health. Be that as it may, it is now time to announce the winner of my Hundreth Post Topic Contest.......... And the winner is:

Lori Siverling of WA. (Cue firework thingies)

Though I received many excellent topic suggestions, after much deliberation (with myself) I decided to use her suggestion of translating the chittering and other sounds of annoyance I make when observing the squirrel thingy that resides in my front yard.

As you all know by now, squirrel thingies really clump my litter. To say they annoy me, and by "they" I refer to the nasty little tree rat that spends his day mocking me by dancing on my front porch whilst I watch impotently from my bay window, would be understatement in the extreme. He is terminally happy and never shows any surliness at all. Not only is this irritating, it's unnatural. He has no place in my kingdom, except perhaps as an alternate food group.

That being said, as yet, I am unable administer proper justice upon this tree bound vermin. So for now I must be satisfied with expressing my displeasure at his existence verbally. (and also occasionally employing body language)

What follows is a translation of a typical squirrel scolding:

CHIT-SNICK-CHICHICHIKISNIT- "You are ugly and I question your parentage."

HISSCHIKIT-NAK-SNAHISSIT- "Your fur is unkempt and needs a conditioner"

SNIKITTIT-HISKANIKKET- "My Grandma had a better tail than yours, and she was a Manx!"

STIPAKITTACHIT-TANITTSS - "Check out THESE nuts Bozo! Oops,...... nevermind"

HISSS-SPIKANIKASPIP-"TREE HUGGER!!"

SPIKA-CHITATAPITAT (with tail swish)- "If we ever meet in person, the two leggers are gonna be scooping pieces of you outta the royal litter for weeks"

MROWR-MROWR-SPUTA-STITIP(totally poofed)-"Sleep with one eye open, seed-muncher"

This is just a small sample of the daily tongue lashing I deliver to the foul beast. Sometimes I even get rude.