Sunday, May 3, 2015

Boxing Day

Though my two leggers are fairly avid sports fans, neither of them enjoy watching what are commonly known as "combat sports". I suppose they believe that sharing a residence with four cats provides all the violence they can handle.

The reason I bring this up is because of all the hype surrounding the recent professional boxing match that had the entire world (minus my two leggers) glued to their talking box thingies.

For those of you who live in a cave, under a rock, or in Arkansas, a boxing match that was billed as "The fight of the century" occurred between some bozos that make their living by beating each other up.

When I first heard about this sport, I was curious. People get paid for simply smacking each other around??

I've been doing this for years and have never received anything but reprimands and drenchings from the water squirty thingy.

When I found out how much they got paid, I was aghast!

For only 36 minutes of work, with a rest every three minutes, they get paid like a hundred gagillion dollars. And get this: They only work one or two nights per year!

The more I pondered this, the angrier I got.

They get paid exorbitant amounts of money for doing something once or twice a year, while I get chastised and called "bad kitty!" for providing the same service every single night!

Just another example of two legger hypocrisy.

However, I always try to keep an open mind. I asked a few friends of mine who are followers of this sport and asked them about this glaring discrepancy. I was informed that the reason "boxers" were so well paid was that they are "professionally trained athletes". It seems that they must work very hard before they begin to earn the big money.

Okay, the "work very hard" part immediately discouraged me, but I had another plan..........

Ivan is now in training to become a professional boxer. He has all the right qualifications. He is big. He is strong. He throws a mean right hook and shots to the head don't faze him.

After several minutes of research, I discovered that the most important thing to remember when boxing is to defend yourself at all times. So as part of Ivan's training, I have started attacking him whenever he least expects it.

This is very easy to do given the fact that I haven't informed Ivan that he is in training yet.

Several times a day, I attack and start punching Ivan for no apparent reason.

Once as he slept on the bathroom floor, I pounced upon him from the counter top.  His response was....less than professional. He poofed and bolted from the room, slamming into the bathtub twice during his escape.

Another time, I waited until he was exiting the litter box. As he stepped out, I jumped from behind the litter box, smacked him twice and awaited his response. Once again, he failed. From what I have gathered, no professional boxer, upon being hit, has ever jumped into a litter box and tried to bury himself.   

My last attempt at training Ivan was similarly unsuccessful. I hid under the slip cover of the couch and ambushed him as he walked by. Once again, Ivan turned and fled in a blind panic. However, I did manage to score a "knockout" when he slammed headfirst into the entertainment center.

I feel I must face the fact that perhaps Ivan is not suited to professional boxing after all. However, all is not lost. One of the boxers from the recent bout has given hope to all who have diminished cranial capacity from too many blows to the head.

He has gone into politics.

Ivan/Pacquiao 2016!!!

1 comment:

  1. LOL! ( Ivan/Pacquiao 2016) :) From what limited information I have, you didn't miss much ComMonster Cujo.