Thursday, April 23, 2015

Web of Deceitz

HA HA HA!!!!!!!

It is meeeeee!! I am zee one zee black and white buffoon callz zee Bathroom Spidare!! I am alzo known as zee Lavatory Lurker, zee Potty Poltergiestz and zee Phantom of Zee Poopensquatten!

I have high-jakkid heez blogz while heez sleepeez! I have tingz to sayz. Too long wee stayz in zee shadowz, alwayz being quietz and hidingz. Too long wee only comez outz wheen everybodiez sleepez. Too many of our brudderz and seesterz getting smushid and eattid. 

No more wee takez it! Weez make a stand! Weez gonna show dem katzenpoofers a ting or two!

Zee pompouz piebald muzt pay!! 

Zee long-tailed looney muzt atonez for hiz sinz! 

Zee two-toned tyrant muzt be brought to juztiz!! 

Wee haff kidnappid zee bi-colored one'z favorite mouzie. Zee one he callz "Beebo". Wee have tied heem up uzing zee string from our buttockz. Wee hidez heem in zee secret place and mock heem with our caperz. Heez earzz will be filled weeth zee soundz of our snickeringz!!

Wee haff demandz! Eef zee two-faced tuxie ignorze our demandz, wee will hangz him wit our butt stringz.

Demand #1: No morez eeting uz. You haff lotza foodz. No need to eetz spidares.

Demand #2: No morez smacking uz. You haz annoying tabbyz to smackz. No need to smack spidares.

Demand #3: Keep fat, stinkyz, orange dumbhead cat outta da bathroomz. He number one cauze of death amongz uz.

Demand #4: Wee getz vacation homez in bedroom clozet. Wee needz time to decomprezz after being mooshed.

Demand #5: Wee getz kitchen privial.....pravillag........wee getz timez in kitchen. Much foodz in dare andz lotza plazes to hidez.

Demand # 6: No morez playing "tetherballz" wit poor defenzlezz spidares hanging down from light fixturez. It hurtz and furthermorez, iz rude.

 Demand #7: Wee wantz full healthcarez package with dental included. Also retirement package for when we geet oldz.

(#7 iz negotiablez, but not zee rest!)

Failurez to meetz our conditionz will resultz in more actz of arachnid anarchyz!

We takez it no morez!! 

Rememberz our motto: "Wee are small, but wee are manyz"

**MUNCH **

I just walked in and found the bathroom spider on my computer typey thingy. I am amused by his temerity. However, I have a message for any uppity eight leggers out there that may have been inspired by his rebellious spirit:

While it is indeed true that you are "small, but many", never forget that we are "large, but hungry".


  1. This is why 8-leggers should always maintain higher ground.

  2. Hi Bathroom Spidare. Bye Bathroom Spidare. LOL!

  3. Hez forgotz to spin butt ztring across thez door thingy.

  4. Oh, poor brave but stupid spider!