Monday, March 24, 2014

March Madness

Never let it be said that I do not attempt to help my two leggers.

In a totally unappreciated attempt to ease their burden of giving me treats whenever I desire them, I have often tried a more "self-serve" approach to providing myself with cat treats. I watch where they store the aforementioned treats and then I reward myself for good behavior whenever I feel they are warranted. I have even been known to reward myself for bad behavior. However, when I reward my own bad behavior, I do it in a mocking and sarcastic manner so that I am assured that I didn't really deserve the treat, but only gave it to myself to make myself feel guilty in the unlikely hope that I will not repeat said bad behavior.

One would think that the two leggers would be impressed and appreciative that I have taken steps to relieve their workload.

They are not.

Instead, every time I find out where they are stashing these little tuna-flavored morsels of ambrosia, they hurriedly grab all the treats and relocate them to another hidey hole. It usually takes all of five minutes to find their latest stash, but this last time they got a bit cagier........

Whenever they thought I deserved a treat, they would disappear from the room and when they returned, they had a couple of treats in hand. If I attempted to follow and ascertain the location of the treats, they would simply refuse to get my treats lest I discover where they lay hidden. I attempted to find the treats by using my incredible sense of smell, however try as I may, I could not locate them. Finally, I decided to use logic:

Logic is my best weapon.

So I thought, "If I was a two legger who wanted to prevent my incredibly intelligent (and strikingly handsome) housecat  from raiding his kitty treats, where would I hide them?" With this thought in mind, I sought out Tiger Lily and smacked her around until she gave up the location.   

It seems that they were hidden in the cabinet above the washing machine thingy.

I must grudgingly admit that this particular location was a stroke of genius on the part of the two leggers. I suspect it was the female's idea because this level of thinking is well above the male's level of intelligence. The cupboard above the washing machine thingy was clever on several points. The smell of the detergents masked the smell of the treats. The noise of the machine ensured that we felines seldom entered the room and whenever the clothes come out of the dryer thingy, I am too busy depositing hair upon the clean clothes to be bothered to look in the cabinets.

Immediately upon this revelation, I set out to open the cabinet of goodies. Unfortunately, the cabinet door thingy had a springed hinge and every time I hooked a claw in the door and before I could grab the treats, it would shut itself with a rather loud thump. This drew the attention of the two leggers and I was chased from the room with numerous sprays from the water squirty thingy. This only stiffened my resolve and I vowed revisit the cabinet after they retired for the evening.

Around 2am, with the two leggers safely ensconced in their bedroom, Ivan and I approached the cabinet.  I hooked my claw in the door, pulled it open about three inches and reached for the treats. As I reached in my claw relaxed and..........thump.

I realized that I needed something dense and hard to hold open the door so that I could gain a proper purchase and swing it beyond the grasp of the spring. Ivan's head finally proved useful and after several more thumps, I was able to finally pry the door open revealing a veritable cornucopia of kitty treats.

Having scarfed a large portion, I decided a nap was in order and repaired to my throne.

Approximately an hour later I was awakened by a dreadful yet amusing sound. Ivan was romping-stomping up and down the hallway, all crooky-tailed and trilling. He would slide to a stop at the end of the hallway, arch his back, poof and then in a flurry of scrabbling legs shoot down to the other end of the hall and slide headfirst into the couch. He would frantically look up at me as if thinking "DUUUUUUDE!" and then reverse the process slamming into the closet door at the opposite end of the hall.

The furnishings in the hall had suffered greatly from Ivan's actions and the current score was:
Hallway decor-0

 Jaq and Tiger Lily sat watching this with bemused expressions on their faces and giggling behind their paws.

It seems that having eaten his way through the treats, Ivan discovered a large cache of catnip that had been sent as offerings from some of my FaceBook minions.

Think I'll go finish off the treats now. I get the feeling that after the two leggers wake up and see the results of our efforts, the treats may be scarce for a while.


  1. The 2 leggers were really asking for it by leaving both the Nip and the Treats in the same location. How stoopid...DUH!

  2. Those poor two leggers, thinking they could hide treats from you. Maybe they'll learn to just let you have your own way! :)

  3. Good teamwork on your part. We know right where the treats are at our house, but we have no way to get to them unless we all figure out how to stand one atop the other until we reach the height of the cabinet that hangs on the wall in our vestibule. There is nothing beneath it to stand or jump upon. We get enough treats by not doing what are pawrents want us to do and then having to be bribed. Works efurrytime. Good luck with getting treats again in your lifetime. XO, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo