Downton Tabby

My two leggers have recently begun watching a program on the talking box thingy called "Downton Abbey".

Since they have been watching it every night in the same room that contains both my throne and my firebox thingy, I have been subjected to a nightly dose of very British behavior.

Normally, I am enthusiastically indifferent to the programs they watch at night. I consider the average two legger programming to be foolish and unrealistically optimistic at best, benign and mind-numbing at worst. However, I still pay attention if only to mock them later for their choices.

However, after having been exposed to this new show over the past several weeks, for some reason I find my interest somewhat engaged.

From what I have gathered, the premise of Downton Abbey is the story of a very small, select and priviliged group of individuals who are served by a very large group who cater to their every want and whimsy. The small group spend their days lounging about, amusing themselves with various inane activities whilst the larger group bustles around, seeing to their comfort, feeding them, grooming them and basically seeing to all their needs.

I can't quite put my paw on it, but for some odd reason, this concept appeals to me.

The British have always been somewhat of an enigma to me. They seem to be a society of extremes.

They have given the world such geniuses as Monty Python, Benny Hill and Rowan Atkinson. Yet they have also produced such hacks as Shakespeare, Chaucer and Dickens.

That being said, as a cat I must say that I hold their class system in high regard.

So since the two leggers enjoy watching Downton Abbey so much, I have decided that it is time to run my own Kingdom in a similar manner.

In keeping with the British tradition of never using a single name when six could easily suffice, the two leggers will hence address me as "Lord Cujo, Prince of Paws, Duke of Draperies, Earl of Smackdom and Knight of The Royal Order of Knock Knacks".

Sir Ivan will be my Hair Apparent. His duties will be to keep the two legged servants in line and the eight leggers nervous.

Lady Jaq will serve the part of the clueless youngster who sits around all day dreaming of love, romance and other such myths.

Lady Tiger Lily is appointed to be a "Lady-in-waiting". She will lounge about waiting for me to come along and administer her daily smack.

In other words, things will remain exactly the way they have always been. We'll just have fancier titles.

Admittedly, I was considering making Ivan a Peer, but judging from the odors emanating from the litterbox, he just did that himself.