Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Poetic Injustice (Halloween Version)

In honor of Halloween, I have decided to do honor to one of my favorite authors. 

Edgar Allen Poe. 

Poe was a very creepy two legger who loved cats and wore really cool clothes. 

I respect that. 

And now I give you.....

 The Craven
Once upon a late night rainy, my mind was tired, my eyes were grainy,
I worked on my blog thingy, tired and weary to my core.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently slapping, slapping at my sliding door.
`'Tis some vermin,' I muttered, `slapping at my sliding door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak November,
And each separate dust bunny wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my blog surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Beebo -
For the greatest catnip mousie thingy, whom the two leggers name Beebo -
Nameless here for evermo’.

And the silken sad uncertain shredding of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic friskiness never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my mousie, I stood repeating
`'Tis some vermin entreating entrance at my sliding door -
A soon to be  late vermin entreating entrance at my sliding door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my annoyance grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Squirrel thingy’ said I, `or Raccoon, truly your existence I abhor;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came slapping,
And so bravely you came slapping, slapping at my sliding door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I peered through the sliding door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that glass I was gazing, thinking my reflection looks amazing ,
Gazing, dreaming dreams no housecat ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was ceaseless, as I dreamed of squirrels in pieces,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Beebo!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Beebo!'
Merely this and nothing mo’.

Back into the dining room turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a slapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `that squirrel has guts; And soon he will hang from his nuts.
Let me at him then, I’ll eat him, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'And then the squirrel thingy will live no more!'

Open here I flung the sash, prepared to knock him on his……butt,
In there stepped a gray tabby of the whiny days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, in a clumsy, clawless slide, she slid across my floor-
Jumped and sat upon a pillow just above my hardwood floor -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this gray tabby beguiling my annoyed fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of her large face she wore,
`Though thy face be large, and should be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no raven.
Ghastly whiny and annoying tabby wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy cursed name lest you become a bore!'
Quoth the tabby, `Nevermore.'

Much I fumed, this ungainly cat to hear whining so plainly,
Though its answer angered me more – and  little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living being
Ever yet was cursed with seeing a whiny gray tabby upon his bedroom floor.
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the whiner, sitting lonely on the bedroom floor, spoke only,
That one word, as if her soul in that one word she did outpour.
Nothing further then she uttered - her mangy gray hair then she fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other enemies have fled before -
On the morrow I will smack her once more, I will smack her as before.'
Then the whiner whined, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the silliness broken by reply so wrongly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it whines is its only stock and store,
Deciding I shall ignore the whinestress, I turned once more
To the ebon darkness beyond the sliding door.
But once again I heard a slapping slapping slapping.
But this time, from the bathroom floor.
Yea, this slapping slapping slapping, came from the bathroom floor.

What further torment be this? What irritant can it be?
With smacking paw a-twitching, I went bathward for to see.
Twas naught but an orange tabby, in the throes of a dim-witted dream.
He was thrashing upon a bath towel, and soon began to scream!
His scream doth shook my spirit, unto my very core,
As he convulsed in mortal terror and shouted ‘Ummm, nevermore?’

I pounced upon the dreamer, I batted at the screamer.
I finally woke the tabby and he wakened rather crabby.
He tried to bite, he tried to fight, he tried to claw and much much more.
And so I subdued him by smack smack smacking his head
Against the bathroom floor.
Smack smack smacking, against the bathroom floor.

Once more I heard a slapping slapping slapping.This time from the Hall.
It didn’t sound very large, it sounded rather small.
Figuring this night could not get more whack,
I entered the hallway at a run and encountered Jaq.
She was tapping out the drum solo from Inna Godda Davida,
Upon the hallway floor.
I flew into a fury and hissed at her ‘No more!’

 I unleashed my rage upon all that I surveyed.
My spirit demanded vengeance, my spirit I obeyed.
Vengeance for the sleep I lost, my slumber interrupted.
Vengeance for my stolen rest and my dreams now corrupted.
Into those who disturbed me, I slashed, I bit I tore.
Until their pain-riddled bodies lay strewn across the floor.

Suddenly I wakened, raised my head, to my dismay I saw
No crimson entrails scattered down my hall.
The other four leggers were fine, they still retained their heads.
They were peacefully sleeping and snoring in their beds.

And so my saga ends. My lesson it is learned.
Into my soul a new commandment, indelibly is burned. 
The next time a postman comes tapping tapping tapping at my door,
And offers me New Zealand catnip,
I will tell him 'Nevermore'.


  1. Oh Cujo, your poetic prowess is quite stunning!! Edgar Alan Poe is having a grand old laugh @ this!! *wink* :D

  2. KUDOS! Great post!

  3. What a fangtastic post! We hope you have a happy and safe Halloween.

    Why not join our Spookfest Blog Hop?

  4. Thank you all for the kind comments! This one was a fun one to write :)

    1. Sheer Brilliance!! This is one of your best!!

  5. Great post I enjoyed reading that. Happy Halloween.


  6. Hi Cujo, loving those teddy bear paws in your picture

  7. Just like a cat to blame it all on "bad" or "strong" nip. We know that 'cause it is exactly what we would have done. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  8. A Classic!! You are brilliant ComMonster Cujo!! :)