Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Rated Arrrrrggg

I have been informed that today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Never one to buck convention, I will therefore continue this post in a pirate themed manner.

Avast ye lubbers! Harken yer ear thingies and listen to me tale!

Today me mateys and me set sail upon a sea of chaos.

It began at four bells in the forenoon watch. Ivan (pirate name: Tabby McOrangebutt) awoke with a squall a-blowin from his stern and set a course for the litter box, but before he could beach himself upon the grainy shore, I crossed his bows, gave him a broadside, and distracted him from burying his bonny treasure. This set his hawse athwart and put him in a mood to pillage. He altered his course to starboard and set sail down the hallway.

With a prodigious following wind, he swept down the hallway where he encountered the HMS Whinetanic. Captained (sat upon) by Tiger Lily, (pirate name: Gray Squall) the HMS Whinetanic is actually a pillow thingy that was set adrift by the male two legger last night. Ivan immediately boarded her and after some paw-to-paw combat, forced her to strike her colors.

Like a corsair let loose amongst a Spanish treasure fleet, Ivan continued his marauding.

As the sun crossed the mizzen, Ivan came afoul of Jaq. (pirate name: Jack) The Scourge of The Hallway found himself facing a formidable foe. Though Jack be of smaller tonnage, her armament is not lacking in the least. Her speed and maneuverability allow her to sail circles around the larger, slower lubberly Ivan. Refusing the engagement, Jack set her sails aloft and alow and found refuge in waters unknown to Ivan. (under the bed in the guest bedroom, where she immediately began singing various sea shanties)

It was at this point that I felt it was high time for Commodore Cujo (pirate name:....duh, Blackbeard) to step in and bring him to a lee lurch.

I approached him under a flag of truce and requested a parley.

As soon as his defenses were down........I smacked him upside his buckin ears.


  1. Genius Commodore "Blackbeard" Cujo! *Salute* Sail on, Scallywags, Sail On !!

  2. I'm laughing way too hard to even make an attempt at Pirate speak. PURE FRICKIN' BRILLIANCE!!!!!

    Evil Elmo