Sunday, July 15, 2012

Clouded Thoughts

The last few days have been interesting.

Weather here in the Pacific Northwest is predictably unpredictable. Consistently inconsistent.

I have it on good authority that our most accurate weather forecast teams use a method in which they study all the radar maps, trends and satellite photos, compile all this information, figure out exactly what the data is telling them is going to happen, and then play a game of full-contact "Rock, Paper, Scissors" to finalize their decision before telling the TV weatherman their predictions.

They also employ a strategy where all the local meteorologists meet once per day to drink coffee and bourbon and verify that they are all going to give completely different forecasts on the evening news. This ensures that on any given day at least one of them will be accurate.

This week, Mother Nature threw them a curveball that no amount of caffeine and alcohol lubricated guesswork could predict.


We get hailstorms, windstorms, firestorms, snowstorms and the exceedingly rare brainstorms.

But we never get thunderstorms.

Well, maybe "never" is too strong a word thingy. Once or twice a year, a vagrant thunderboomer may sneak across the Cascade Mountains and strike terror into the hearts of the six elk, four marmots and three cult members that live in the mountains East of here.

According to the two legger scientific types, it has something to do with the geographipsychomitrology of Western Washington. These two leggers are obviously paid by the amount of letter thingies appearing after their names and the size of words that they employ in their reports.

So Friday after having watched thunderboomer after thunderboomer roll past my kingdom, I decided that in the interest of keeping my readers informed, I should educate myself on all thingies weather related. I looked at the National Weather Service website thingy and slept through an episode of "Storm Chasers".

I now consider myself the world's leading geographipsychomitrologist.

Stand by for some learnin':

First of all, let's talk about rain.
Here in my kingdom, we are accustomed to rain. I have counted over 432 different types of rain.
Drizzle rain.
Sprinkle rain.
Misty rain.
Gusty rain.
Pouring rain.
Spitty rain.
Fluffy rain.
Sparkly rain.
Sideways rain.
Dinky rain.
Spotty rain.

Rain comes from cloud thingies. Cloud thingies are big and poofy and not very smart.

If Ivan could fly, he would likely be a cloud thingy.

For the most part, they float around, minding their own business, drifting serenely across the sky. But once in a while, they gather together and begin throwing themselves at each other like goat thingies. When they collide, it produces a loud booming sound called "thunder". The effort exerted by the cloud thingies causes them to sweat and the sweat they produce falls in the form of rain.

Now you know the truth. Rain is cloud sweat.

Now to explain lightning:

Lightning is bright. I could tell you more, but I choose not to.

This report brought to you by Cujo Cat PHD of Geographipsychomitrology, DHEO, WKCFUF, PWVNM, PDQ, XYZ.


  1. Pacific North west! We lives in canada, in the valley just east of the Okanagan. We has been having boomers after Boomers this year, the worst since, well forever!
    Does yous hide too?

    1. I do not hide, the chaos amuses me. However, the other felines in my kingdom are in their hidey holes.

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  3. Been raining cats and dog thingys....With Thunderboomers !!!

  4. What a curious weather pattern you are having Commonster Cujo. Geographipsychomitrology sounds like a mighty intelligent observation thingy. You are 1 smart Kitteh!

  5. Hmmm, thunderboomers in the Pacific Northwest - isn't that when sparkly vampires go play baseball? Ugh! Thank goodness it's only once or twice a year! (Oh, Twilight, how I hate thee; let me count the ways).

    I LOVE the idea of full contact Rock Paper Scissors! Let's UFC it up a bit and make it Rock, Paper, Chainsaws!!! mwuhahahaha

    Evil Elmo

    1. i had neglected to realise it was your Blogoversary. HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY Commander Cujo and keep up the work for your 2nd book!
      Evil Elmo

  6. Mommy says she would fit right in in Eastern Washington.

  7. Wes lives north of Spokane on the Canadian side of the border. We feels your pain on the T Storms!
    We is wishing yous a HAPPY BLOGOVERSAY!

    1. Thanks Nellie! I had forgotten all about the blogoversary! I spent most of the day working on my second book thingy and completely forgot about it!
      We're getting more thunderboomers even as we speak.
      Headbonkers to you and your clan!

  8. Happy Blogoversary!!!!!!

    We are getting every variety of rain there is here. We are getting drizzling rain, torrential down pours and everything in between.

  9. Happy Blogoversary! Oh, regarding the topic of weather, could you arrange to send us some rain?


  10. Happy Blogoversary!

    BIG thunderboomers this morning, after an evening of bright flashes! The rain is nice. We don't mind rain too much. 'course that could be 'cause we live inside. Good luck on your second book!

    Seth, Maxx, Newton, Tessa & Pia Bean

  11. Happy Blogoversary! You made an excellent report. I would be happy to trade you some of our sunshine and heat for your rain.