Okay, just a quick recap of what has happened so far in the epic saga of "Us vs. The Mancub":
Mancub-0
Superior Intellect and Planning-1
Day 4 continued:
After utterly confusing his young mind, I spent the rest of the day plotting. Thus far, we had lulled the Mancub into a false sense of security. Though our little vanishing act had perplexed the youngling, we had done nothing to justify the Cub's wariness.
Yet.
I determined that it was not enough to simply confound the lad, it was time to instill some fear. We would begin a campaign to slowly terrorize him over the next few days. We would start small and build to a crescendo of bloodletting that would someday be immortalized in one of those bad movie thingies that the male two legger enjoys watching on the talking box thingy on Saturday nights. You know the type, where the young two legger enters the darkened room from which an eerie noise can be heard. He enters despite the fact that every bit of common sense begs him not to. He enters despite the fact that everyone who watches the bad movie will be standing in front of their talking box thingies yelling "DON'T GO IN THERE YOU FOOL!".
Oh yes, there will be chaos.
The fifth day dawned with the Mancub arriving at his usual time. Jaq kept lookout at the bay window while Ivan and I hid. The Mancub entered the house and immediately went to the cupboard in which our food is kept. I allowed him to fill three bowls without incident. As he began to pour food into my bowl, I leaped out and smacked the scoop thingy from his hand sending nuggets of food skittering across the hallway. The sound of skittering food nuggets caused Ivan to bolt from his hidey hole, tripping the Mancub and bringing him down with an almighty crash. Tiger Lily ran into the hallway and commenced to whining in a voice that caused the Mancub to stumble to his feet and beat a hasty retreat out the front door and to his car.
Day five- Successful.
For day six, I had planned to pull out all the stops. It has been more than six months since either the Fire or Police Departments (or Homeland Security) had been called to my house and I felt it was high time for another visitation.
Alas, it was not to be.
It seems that the Mancub had an agreement with my two leggers that he was to give us extra food on day five so that he would not be required to feed us on day six.
My plot was foiled.
I was not amused.
Fortunately, during the chaos of the fifth day, the Mancub accidentally dropped an envelope with his home address on it.
Due to my internet prowess, he is now registered with 167 questionable charities, 53 political parties, 14 churches and officially off of the National Do Not Call Registry. I tried to sign him up for the Victoria's Secret Catalog, but he was apparently already a member.
Mancub-0
Superior Intellect and Planning-1
Day 4 continued:
After utterly confusing his young mind, I spent the rest of the day plotting. Thus far, we had lulled the Mancub into a false sense of security. Though our little vanishing act had perplexed the youngling, we had done nothing to justify the Cub's wariness.
Yet.
I determined that it was not enough to simply confound the lad, it was time to instill some fear. We would begin a campaign to slowly terrorize him over the next few days. We would start small and build to a crescendo of bloodletting that would someday be immortalized in one of those bad movie thingies that the male two legger enjoys watching on the talking box thingy on Saturday nights. You know the type, where the young two legger enters the darkened room from which an eerie noise can be heard. He enters despite the fact that every bit of common sense begs him not to. He enters despite the fact that everyone who watches the bad movie will be standing in front of their talking box thingies yelling "DON'T GO IN THERE YOU FOOL!".
Oh yes, there will be chaos.
The fifth day dawned with the Mancub arriving at his usual time. Jaq kept lookout at the bay window while Ivan and I hid. The Mancub entered the house and immediately went to the cupboard in which our food is kept. I allowed him to fill three bowls without incident. As he began to pour food into my bowl, I leaped out and smacked the scoop thingy from his hand sending nuggets of food skittering across the hallway. The sound of skittering food nuggets caused Ivan to bolt from his hidey hole, tripping the Mancub and bringing him down with an almighty crash. Tiger Lily ran into the hallway and commenced to whining in a voice that caused the Mancub to stumble to his feet and beat a hasty retreat out the front door and to his car.
Day five- Successful.
For day six, I had planned to pull out all the stops. It has been more than six months since either the Fire or Police Departments (or Homeland Security) had been called to my house and I felt it was high time for another visitation.
Alas, it was not to be.
It seems that the Mancub had an agreement with my two leggers that he was to give us extra food on day five so that he would not be required to feed us on day six.
My plot was foiled.
I was not amused.
Fortunately, during the chaos of the fifth day, the Mancub accidentally dropped an envelope with his home address on it.
Due to my internet prowess, he is now registered with 167 questionable charities, 53 political parties, 14 churches and officially off of the National Do Not Call Registry. I tried to sign him up for the Victoria's Secret Catalog, but he was apparently already a member.
wow - you guys are GOOD
ReplyDeleteYour internet prowess is quickly becoming a legend, Cujo...I "DUB" you the Official Cujonator of the Hybrid Talking Box Thingy :D
ReplyDeleteAlas he did not come on the 6th day! I'm sure it WOULD have resulted in Homeland Security and you would have been able to get the Mancub on the 'Do not Fly' list. Just imagine.... "Cujo saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good". I'm grinning at the thought!
ReplyDeleteWith malice aforethought
Evil Elmo