Sunday, March 18, 2012

Night Terrors

There is within my kingdom a small, dark, largely uninhabited area.

It is damp, dank, full of foul smells and strange noises.

The two leggers spend as little time as possible within its confines.

It is known by the seemingly innocuous name of: "THE GUEST BATHROOM" (place scary musical fanfare here, something along the lines of: DAH-DA-DOHN!!)

Within this murky region resides a creature of ancient mythology. It is a creature of infamy. It is feared throughout the entire civilized world (and Arkansas). Small children and veterinarians are awakened in the small hours of the night by nightmares of its horrible visage. Hollywood refuses to make movie thingies about it for fear of causing riots of moviegoers, rushing from the theaters in a screaming mob.

There have been discussions of sending very scientific looking two leggers into the GUEST BATHROOM to study this creature, but these expeditions have all been nixed due to lack of interest or government funding.

What could this monster possibly be?

Depending on the culture, this zoological anomaly is known as:
The Basket Beast.
The Horror of The Hamper.
The  Demon of The Dirty Unmentionables.
The Laundry Lurker.

In my kingdom, we simply call it:


Ivan has discovered that he can cause much chaos  with little effort by simply making a small nest within the laundry bin that sits adjacent to the porcelain two legger litter box. The dirty laundry masks his scent well and provides a nice comfy hidey hole in which to await his next victim.

Every night, after his midnight snack, Ivan silently slips into THE GUEST BATHROOM and begins his vigil. After much rearranging and kneading, he settles down to patiently listen for his prey. His patience often goes unrewarded. However, once in a while, a sleepy headed two legger will unwittingly wander near his lair. Ivan, attempting not to giggle, waits until the optimal moment, (usually, this is when the two legger is reaching for the toilet paper roll) and launches himself from the hamper in a mass of  hissing, squawling, odiferous, furry mayhem.

Given the fact that the two legger's britches are still down around his ankles, this can often result in him falling and bonking his head against a wall, the tub thingy or some other conveniently hard object. Occasionally, it wakes the entire household and the water squirty thingy is utilized in order to restore order.

For those of my followers who happen to be acquainted with my male two legger, please rest assured that even though he may strike his head on these various hard objects, none of the objects have been damaged.


  1. Hm. Maybe this explains why there my human has installed no hampers in my house.

  2. Perhaps Ivan is not the dullest bulb in the package after all. Hilarious!!!

  3. Dear Kujo,
    Me thinks that Ivan has figured it out purrfectly! Causing mayhem in the middle of the night is what a good cat from hell is all about!

  4. Hi Cujo!
    We just had to come by and say hello.
    ...OMC, you are hilarious!!!
    I'm gonna love your style, I can just tell.
    ; ) Katie

    Pee S - Have you heard of Real Housecats? You should think about auditioning! Instructions are on my blog.