Friday, January 24, 2014

Mixed Nuts

Jaq intrigues me.

I find that she is unlike any other cat I have ever known.

Just when I begin to think I understand her, she does something that blows my judgement completely out of the water.

She is an enigma wrapped in a quandary, coated with mystery and liberally dusted with powdered what-the-heck-was that.

On the surface, she seems intelligent, mild-mannered and meek. But deep inside, there seems to flow a river of bug-eyed lunacy, running deep and swift through a valley of absolute tail-twitching, fur-poofing, wall-licking, drooly-mouthed insanity.

Now I could accept it if she was simply unbalanced, but at times I also detect a keen intellect lightly veiled by her cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs veneer.

And therein lies my dilemma. Is she a nut job that occasionally has periods of cognizance? Is she a total whacko that displays behavior that only seems relatively sane when compared with her normally abnormal behavior? Is she totally sane and only acts the looney in some strategy aimed at furthering some nefarious plot. Or perhaps she is even more ingenious than I first suspected and is acting like someone who is acting like they are nuts, but are totally sane, and yet exhibiting signs of some psychosis that causes them to appear completely rational even though they are incurably bonkers.

I shall explain.....

Other than her propensity for singing in tight spaces, Jaq often exhibits other questionable behavior. For instance, she will be deep in the throes of a nap when suddenly she will pop up, poof and scamper from the room in a blind panic. I am fully aware that all felines engage in this type of antic from time to time,  however, when Jaq performs this maneuver, she adds a pirouette at the end and delivers a two minute speech thanking the academy, her parents, her director and someone named Winifred before lying down to resume her nap.

Sometimes, she will stalk up to a lamp thingy, yell "You're not my cousin!" and knock it to the floor where it shatters into like a bajillion pieces.

And this is where I get suspicious.

For you see, if it was Yours Truly who murdered the lamp thingy, the walls would reverberate with the sounds of two leggers freaking out and screaming. The water squirty thingy would be drenching everything that moved and I would be banished to the computer room until further notice. But due to her reputation as being "touched in the head thingy", the two leggers make certain allowances for Jaq.

They even seem amused when she "has a moment" and destroys something. Heck, the other day, Jaq totally blitzed a wine glass. Did the two leggers get upset?


The male even seemed a bit proud of the mess she made. He called back to the female "Hey Honey! Come see what widdle Miss Jaq did! She made a widdle mess! Awwww, she so cute. After I clean up her mess, I'll get her a widdle treat!".

I swear, as she was nibbling her reward for breaking a wine glass, she actually winked at me.

Allow me to repeat that for clarity....As she was nibbling her reward for breaking a wine glass, she winked at me.

Apparently, if they believe you are mentally disturbed, you are not held accountable for your actions.


I decided I should get in on the action. I began acting unpredictably. I started talking to walls, I engaged in several odd rituals. I even sat in the tub thingy and had a protracted conversation with the faucet. However, after several days of this ridiculous behavior, the two leggers remained unconvinced and continued to drench me at every transgression..

Jaq too, was not fooled. I woke last night to find her standing in the moonlight next to a knife, whispering "Knock it off Beard Boy, this is my gig".

Normally, any minion who threatened me would immediately feel the wrath of the Smackin Paw. However, I have decided to give her a pass.

Just in case she really is nuts.


  1. Bwaa!! Haa!! Haaa! Jaq is a Queen Cat after my own heart!! Oh, and Cujo - how yous described the whole incident had Mommy laughing and wine came out her nose!
    Yous too made a "widdle" mess without even being here!

  2. So glad to be of service Nellie! ;)
    Headbonkers to you and your staff!

  3. MOL! Yeah, I think you're right to stay on the safe side.. Jaq sounds unpredictable if nothing else!

  4. We thinks you did the right thing. With that kind of behaviour you never knows. Be afraid, be very afraid!

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

  5. She certainly has your humans bamboozled. There's one in every bunch…our "free-pass" cat is Astrid. We don't know why, unless it is because she's cute and tiny. Have a great weekend. Purrs and paw-pats, Lily Olivia, Misty May, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  7. (Messed the last one up!)
    I knew Jaq and I had a connection!!
    I was very much amused by her spunk: "Knock it off Beard Boy" LOLOL :D
    Does she call you this term of endearment often?

  8. She was a dancer in a former life? "Beard Boy" he he he